Artemis Fowl and the Hogwarts Incident
by Singer La chanteuse
Summary: Intrigues and betrayals, deceptions and alliances. There is an underground war being fought at Hogwarts, and it's going to take all of Artemis' cunning and technology to bring it into the light. Thankfully he has some friends to watch his back.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The merging of worlds

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Perhaps it is unfair, mused Butler as he stared at the figure being captured by the security camera as they walked up the drive, that I automatically blame Artemis for anything unusual that happens around here. After, I've never heard him talk about anyone like this. It could be someone to see Artemis Senior, or even Angeline. One of their environmentalist fanatics. Some how, he doubted it. Anything this weird must have something to do with Artemis. That's just the way things were. Besides, who had ever heard of environmentalists wearing scarlet and fuchsia _robes_?

Albus Dumbledore stared at the imposing manor in front of him and wondered if he had gotten the address right. It had been over a decade since he had personally gone to see a new student; however, this was a special case and warranted special attention. This case had come to his a attention when a flustered Ministry official had suddenly appeared at the school and demanded to see him. Although Dumbledore was not on the best of terms with the Ministry at the moment, he would never be rude to people, and seeing as how this case affected the school, the Ministry _had _to deal with him. It was most definitely a strange case, stranger even than some of the strange cases which Dumbledore had seen over the years, which were quite a few. While there were many muggleborn witches and wizards, most people did not develop magical abilities later in life. Because of this, Dumbledore felt a need to go and explain the situation himself, instead of sending a letter or having Rubeus or Minerva go in his stead as they would on most occasions. No, this matter needed to be handled delicately, and therefore he needed to be the one to do it. Rubeus might have a heart of gold, but he could forget things and Minerva's touch was a little too severe. It had to be him.

Dumbledore continued his walk up the extensive pathway until he reached the manor proper. He sensed that he was being observed although he could find no trace of any sort of surveillance devices. Amazing the technology that they have here, he thought. Arthur would be ecstatic.

When he reached the front door Dumbledore paused for a moment to collect his thoughts and prepare what he would say. Before he could knock, one of the large double doors swung open, revealing a rather large and intimidating man. Dumbledore wondered whether he too, had giants blood in his veins.

"This is the Fowl residence," said the-man-who-might-have-giants-blood. "If you are here to see Mr. or Mrs. Fowl, they are currently at a spa in Verona. Master Fowl will see you if your business is urgent; however, if it is not then I advise you to vacate the premises at once".

If Dumbledore was stunned then he gave no sign of it. "My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am here to speak with Master Fowl," he introduced himself. "I wish to speak with him about certain events that have transpired, and would ask him if he would be willing to join my school."

Butler looked at the strange man. He was certainly polite enough, and was carrying no concealed weapons that Butler could spot. So it should be safe enough to let him into the house, under surveillance of course. Artemis could get into trouble anywhere, even in his own home, and Butler still had the feeling that there was something slightly off about this character. Not bad, but definitely off.

Albus followed Butler towards an elegant sitting room and, at Butler's indication, sat down in one of the lavishly upholstered chairs. He watched curiously as Butler left the room, presumably to find Artemis. This man was obviously a skilled fighter and a protector, and Albus wondered just why a teenager would require such a guard.

"He doesn't seem threatening, and the x-ray cameras picked up no weapons on his body except for a small stick, wooden perhaps." Butler looked at his young charge. "He says that he wants to invite you to his school. He seems to be a bit odd, but considering you past escapades I think that odd is the least of your worries."

Artemis considered this information. "So you think that I should hear him out?"

"What I think doesn't matter. You've seen the scans and have already decided to meet with him, no matter what I say."

Artemis smiled. Ah yes, the scans. Butler had called Artemis down to the surveillance room the moment he had noticed the strange man appear on the cameras. Artemis had immediately ordered Butler to run scans with the 'special' equipment; the equipment that was capable of detecting fairies. What the scans had revealed was quite shocking. Although there were no fairies in the vicinity, there was an aura of energy radiating from the man that looked eerily similar to magical auras. Artemis was intrigued. Was it possible that he had missed something, and that there were other humans with magic?

"Butler, I believe that you know me too well. Very well, let us talk to this Albus Dumbledore. I am most eager to make his acquaintance."

The paintings on the wall brought a chill down Dumbledore's spine. They were all of various people whom Dumbledore could only assume were the previous Fowls. Fowl, he thought, what an apt name. Some of these characters do look foul indeed. Rows of blue eyes stared down at him, each one of them cold and some of them holding a glint that Dumbledore had only ever seen before in the eyes of Tom Riddle and his followers. If there had been any magic in this family previously, Dumbledore was certain that they all would have been in Slytherin.

The door opened and Butler reentered the room before bowing slightly and admitting a pale youth. "Master Artemis," he said before walking over and assuming a position behind the chair that Artemis shortly sat down in.

Dumbledore was momentarily stunned by the pale youth in front of him. It was, in part, due to his rather striking appearance. His skin looked as if it had almost been bleached white, contrasting greatly with his dark black hair. It was not the only contrast in the boy's appearance, however. His eyes, which were staring at him with an intensity that Dumbledore had only known a few others to posses, were two completely different colours. One was the piercing blue that was reflected by the portraits around him, the other was a hazel that could not really be defined, as it seemed to shift. Dumbledore was reminded of looking into the eyes of a magical creature. He was also younger than Dumbledore recalled. The file said that he would be nineteen shortly, yet he didn't look a day over fourteen. The file had also mentioned a strange, three year long disappearance. Perhaps the events were related? He brought himself back to the present as the boy began to speak.

"Well, Professor Dumbledore, as I hear your name is, what business do you have with me? I must say that I am intrigued that such a person as yourself should invite me to a school, and to issue the invitation in person, no less. Surely that is not how things are normally done? Would not a letter be more practical?"

His initial assumption had been correct. Dumbledore felt certain that, regardless of his lineage, this boy would be placed in Slytherin house should he choose to accept a position at Hogwarts. He was one of the most cunning young boys whom Dumbledore had met in years.

"You are quite right Artemis, but your case happens to be unusual and thus merits different attention." Dumbledore thought that he heard Butler snort in background, trying to conceal laughter. "You see, you are quite a bit older than the beginners at our school."

"Oh?" Artemis raise an eyebrow. "If I am above the age limit then why am I being asked to join? And you have not giving me the name of your school, by the way."

"It is called Hogwarts. As to the reason why we are asking you to join so late, it is because you were either somehow overlooked when you were younger, or recent developments caused you to somehow meet the requirements."

Dumbledore watched the boy's eyes, and could swear that he literally saw the wheels turning, processing information and deciding what his next move would be. Then he saw something click and a slow smile spread across Artemis's face.

"So tell me then, Professor Dumbledore," he drawled, "where exactly your school of magic is located and how may I get there?"

Dumbledore looked at the boy in complete and utter shock. Mere words could not begin to describe the fact that someone who should know nothing about their world had just revealed their greatest secret. Magic.

Artemis looked smug. "It was an educated guess, but your reaction shows that I'm right. It really wasn't that hard. You see, I came up with a theory to prove the existence of magic when I was ten. When you think of it as another form of energy, and add that into several physics equations, the previously flawed equations make perfect sense, every time. I'm quite proud of that." He looked directly at Dumbledore. "But that still does not tell you how I surmised that you have magic, or that that is what your school teaches."

Artemis glanced over his shoulder. "Butler, if you could please get the scans?" Butler looked at him. "I'm sure that you will be able to leave the room for less than five minutes without something blowing up."

"You never know," and with that, Butler left to get the scans, keeping an eye on Artemis with his wristwatch camera that was linked into the house's security network. It was a gift from Holly to "help keep Artemis out of trouble".

Artemis watched Butler leave. "He's probably still watching with that camera." He turned back to Dumbledore. "Butler takes my protection very seriously, sometimes too seriously, although he would argue that when it comes to me there's no such thing." Artemis chuckled. "And he's probably right."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at the cryptic comment. "Do you have a tendency to get into trouble?"

"Define trouble".

"A situation that presents danger to one or one's family".  
Artemis smiled ruefully. "Then yes, I do have a slight tendency to get into troublesome situations".

Butler arrived back in the room bearing what looked like several oddly coloured photographs.

"Ah, here we are". Artemis took the scans from Butler and showed them to Dumbledore. "You see, I have had several visits from beings who are invisible to the human eye so I decided to upgrade my security systems to simultaneously scan for body heat and energy. For a being to conceal themselves or their heat signature requires energy, the displacement of which this particular scanner detects. Magical creatures also have a higher amount of energy in an 'aura' per se, which is also visible on these scans. Around this photograph of you you can clearly see the augmented aura."

It was true. On the otherwise black and white photograph there was a blue coloured haze that seemed to surround Dumbledore. The headmaster was astounded. To think, the heights to which muggle technology had advanced! Soon it would be very difficult for the wizarding world to hide their presence on this earth.

"Well then," he said, getting his thoughts in order, "I shall explain to you how our school functions, and what courses you would be required to take. Seeing as how you're eighteen there are some slight-"

"I beg your pardon, but I am not in fact eighteen."

Dumbledore waited for Artemis to continue.

"As you can probably tell, I am not eighteen. I got into," he paused and smiled slightly "a troublesome situation a few months ago. It caused me to miss three years of my life. I am only fourteen, fifteen on the first of September."

"Time travel is a risky business. If you decide to attend Hogwarts, you will not be permitted to experiment with time."

"Believe me, Sir," said Artemis, looking at a teacher with something approaching respect for the first time in his entire life, "I learned that lesson. Learned it all too well."

Dumbledore nodded, noticing the regret visible in that pair of mismatched eyes. Perhaps this boy wasn't quite as Slytherin as he had assumed. Ah well, that was the hat's decision to make, not his.

"That does change things however. You seem like the type who will be able to keep up with an added load, so we will put you with your contemporaries in the fifth year..."

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A/N And that's the end because I don't think that I can write anymore Artemis/Dumbledore interaction. Arty likes explaining things to much. So, am I insane for trying to write an infamous crossover? Perhaps. There's a little button at the bottom of the page that will let you tell me if I am, so cut a new author some slack and leave a review? This is my first full lenght story after all. I might get discouraged. Please?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own none of the rights to either Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter and I am making no money off of this venture. Artemis would be highly disappointed, but we can't all be criminal masterminds.

Time line: During Harry Potter 5, and about a month after Artemis and the lost Colony.

Due to several reviews this chapter has been completly re-edited to hopefully eliminate several spelling and grammatical errors as well as to keep some people more in character. However, if you are still seeing mistakes in this document, tell me but also keep in mind that I'm unsing Canadian/UK English. So, if you learned how to spell in the US or using their system you might notice some irregularities. Thank you.

Enjoy. The next chapter is coming in a few minutes, and my delay will be explained there.

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Chapter 2: Setting the Stage

"Is something the matter, Artemis?"

Artemis was quiet after Dumbledore had left. Too quiet, in Butler's opinion. He was only this quiet when he was deeply troubled by something.

Artemis frowned. "It is disturbing, Butler."

"What is disturbing? The fact that there is yet another megalomaniac out there hell bent on world domination, and that you will somehow manage to get involved with whatever his plot may be?"

Artemis raised en eyebrow. "Lovely how you automatically assume that I'm going to get into trouble."

"You have a gift, sir."

Artemis rolled his eyes. "Whatever that may be, it's beside the point." He tapped his finger on the arm of the chair. "No, what is disturbing me is that there is an entire magical civilization out there and I didn't know about it! However, I suppose that I can take some conciliation that Foaly doesn't know about it either. Or I believe that he doesn't. I must check that. While speaking with the professor, I came to the conclusion that he doesn't know about the fairy realm underneath our feet. These two civilizations are completely ignorant of one another. I can only assume that it is because the wizards are somehow able to block Foaly's technology, and thus ours as well. I love discovering something that the fairies haven't."

"You didn't discover it Artemis, the man walked right up to you front door."

"Details, Butler, details. But, there is a slight problem. I have a plan for this school but I will need the fairies' assistance to carry it out. Also, this school will be so much more interesting if I have a potential way to exploit the students. I am under no illusions; not all of the students will like me. In fact, some may greatly resent me. Having their technology on my side will help to even the playing field. Fairies are so convenient in that way. However, I can't just tell Foaly. He is overly paranoid. He would suspect something, and then the game would be up. No, I need to be subtle, even more than usual. I need to have them send Holly to Hogwarts without them realising what I intend."

"Artemis," Butler sighed, "you'd never be able to convince Holly to help you harm a being. You wouldn't be able to ask her either. For that you may pretend otherwise, you are her friend, and you would not ask her to do something so against her nature."

"Yes, I know that. However," said Artemis, smirking, "I have no compunctions against asking Mulch. In fact, he'd be eager to help. Seeing as how he's been involved with me in the past, they are sure to send him with Holly to spy on this school, and they will send her to scope things out. She is with Recon, after all. Now, I must go and plant some seeds of curiosity."

Butler rolled his eyes. Oh, the woes and pleasures of a child genius. They were enough to make lesser men go insane. Thank goodness that he wasn't a lesser man.

Artemis turned on his computer and waited impatiently for the correct channels to load so that he could contact Holly, Mulch, and of course Foaly. He needed to see the centaur's face when he dropped his hints. It was so much easier to see whether not he was successful with his insinuations if he could see the face of the one whom he was trying to influence. At last, Holly's face appeared on the monitor.

"Artemis? What is it? You're not in trouble again are you?"

Artemis looked annoyed. "Why does everyone assume that I'm in trouble?"

"Because you almost constantly are, and Butler usually has to bail you out, which means that you call me in to save Butler."

"How droll. Things aren't always that bad. Occasionally we do talk for other reasons."

"Occasionally."

"Oh, by the way Holly, could you please get Foaly on the line? I came across a curiosity recently that might intrigue him. However, I don't seem to have his number."

Holly raised an eyebrow. "So, not another dastardly plot?"

Artemis looked offended.

"My plots are not dastardly. And no, that's not it. It was a rather obscure reference, but I believe that Foaly might know something about it."

There was silence on the other end of the line while Holly looked at him skeptically. "And why, if you are so interested in this, did you call me? If you really wanted Foaly's number, you would've just hacked into our system. I know that you've done it before."

Artemis smiled innocently. "That's not polite. Mother has been strict about politeness and morals lately.

Also, it is something that might catch your attention as well."

Holly sighed, "I never thought I'd see the day when _you_ finally develop morals. Alright, just wait a moment, his line's usually busy around this time. I think it's when he calls Cabaline." Holly turned around and punched several codes into a device off-screen, connecting Foaly into their conversation. There were a few seconds of static before Artemis's screen suddenly split to show both Holly and Foaly in their different locations. "So, human, what's up? Come to admire my genius?"

"No, surprisingly. But I do have a question; have either of you ever heard of Hogwarts?"

Foaly snorted. "Why would I have anything to do with a hog's warts? Are you sure you're all right, mud boy? Time travel can mess up the head you know. You should see some of the demons that we've had to relocate. I mean really, tearing up humans seems to be their version of 'in vogue'."

"Yeah Artemis, I have to agree with Foaly. I never thought that you'd go in for the Mulch Diggums brand of humour. He loves warts. I thought you said that this was serious."

Artemis sighed. "Not hog warts. Hogwarts. It's apparently a school that teaches magic to young witches and wizards, so I assumed that you would know about it. I came across a reference to it in a very arcane text."

"Who in their right mind names a school after a hog's warts?"

"I don't know. Their motto also happens to be 'never tickle a sleeping dragon'. Anyway, that is beside the point. I suppose if you've never heard of it then it doesn't exist. After all, you can't really hide anything magical from the fairy scanners. It would have been interesting if there were humans with magic out there though."

"Humans don't have magic, mudboy. Believe me, if they did, I would know. My surveillance network is top of the line, as good as I can make it. Your technology is no where near where ours is. And besides, if one human has magic, then you can be certain that a bunch do. With the technology that I've developed, it would be impossible for someone to hide a whole community of magical humans."

"Just like it would be impossible to hide a whole community of magical creatures?"

"Yes, exact- oh very funny."

Artemis smiled. He loved outwitting the centaur. "Ah well, it was an interesting theory."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Do you know how much trouble you usually cause with your theories, Artemis?"

"Trouble? I thought that he was the new commander of the LEP."

Foaly snickered. "Good one, mud boy."

"Thank you. Well, I must be going. My parents and the twins will be back soon."

"See the next the time our civilization's in danger."

"Oh for goodness sake Foaly. We do talk on other occasions."

"Really, Holly? When?"

"Whenever I need to get to Mulch or Doodah out of jail again. For 'reformed' criminals turned private investigators, they get thrown in jail surprisingly often."

With that, they both disappeared from the screen. Artemis smiled. It had been there, at then end. Foaly was curious. He would be looking through Artemis' computer network very soon, and hopefully he would find the bait. Problem one had been dealt with.

Artemis sat back in his chair and started to contemplate his second problem; what on, or under, the earth he was going to tell his parents.

Foaly looked at the screen where Artemis had just been. Something was not right. He knew Artemis well, and that boy had been testing them. Something was going on, and he meant to find out what. With the ease of long practice, Foaly hacked into the Fowl security system. He started systematically looking through all of Artemis's files: security, projects, wireless networks, core computer software, anything and everything that might hide some secret. He paid special attention the program he found that allowed Artemis's security cameras to capture energy fields. That was a little bit of tech that he would be borrowing from Artemis. All is fair in the hacker's world after all. Finally, after downloading the program, he saw some recent scans taken with the device. What he saw astounded him. For once, even he was speechless. He quickly went back through the security files until he found the tapes of what he had originally assumed was an eccentric human. This time, he watched the whole file. A feeling of dread at the implications spread through Foaly. He hadn't felt this since his best friend had disappeared into a time tunnel; while that had been bad, this, he decided, was worse.

He needed to tell Holly.

Commander Trouble Kelp looked at the two friends in front of him in disbelief. "You're not serious about this, are you? This is a joke, Foaly, right?"

Foaly didn't smile. "Unfortunately not. I have access to Artemis's security network. He was acting oddly during our conversation, so I decided to do little investigating. When I found these files, I'll admit that I didn't believe them. It's just too absurd. Humans having magic is like dwarves having table manners. So I immediately verified the authenticity with my own equipment. These weren't doctored. They're real."

Trouble groaned. This was not good. "How come we didn't know about this?"

"Well," said Foaly, glancing at his sheets, "according to what I've found they vanished from regular human society around the same time we did. A lot of records of that time were lost, on both sides. It's possible that we just assumed they all died during the battles."

Trouble rubbed his temples. "But why haven't we found them since then?"

"Artemis had a theory on that linked to the files. Apparently electronic devices don't work at this school because of the high magical energy output. That actually is true. The amount of energy that would be released into the air from an entire school would be more than enough to send our devices haywire, or shut them down completely. I do have a chip that prevents that, but because I didn't think that humans had magic, I've never bothered equipping it to any of our long range satellites. And as for why I'm not picking up signals from them, it's because technologically speaking they're even farther behind us than the regular humans. I'm talking like the literal stone age. Parchment, quills, oil lamps, the whole medieval bit."

Trouble sighed. This was more trouble than he frankly wanted to deal with. Oh well, he had come up through Recon, so he would deal with this the Recon way, also known as the Julius Root way. Julius Root had a special way for dealing with anything that involved Artemis Fowl and the possible discovery of the Fairies.

"Right," said Trouble turning towards the so far quiet member of the group, "Holly, you deal with it."

"What?" Said Holly, jolted out of her temporary reverie. She had spaced out the moment that the implications of Foaly's statement had sunk in, and had not been paying complete attention. There was something about this that was bugging her.

"You deal with it." Trouble reiterated. "Consider it your re-initiation into Recon. I suppose that throwing you back into the field like this when you've only been back for a month is a bit hasty, but the circumstances require it. When the time comes, you will follow Artemis to this- what did you say it was Foaly? Some sort of school for magical humans?"

Foaly nodded the affirmative.

"Right, this school. Let's see if we can't get Mulch to go along with you as a private contractor. You two work surprising well together. Once you're at the school, signal us with your location so that Mulch can tunnel up and meet you. The two of you could set up a base somewhere, and relay any and all information that you find of interest to Foaly back down here. When we have the proper information is when we'll decide what to do. We'll keep this hushed up until then; just call it another Fowl incident or something."

Holly looked at him. "Okay Trouble, and while I'm doing that do you want me to go search for the easter bunny too?"

"Excellent idea Holly, add that to your list of assignments."

"I was joking."

"So was I, about the easter bunny anyway. Listen Holly," he said looking right at her, "you, along with Mulch Diggums and Foaly are the leading authority on Artemis Fowl. We need to know what he's getting involved with, and how that will affect us. Like it or not, you're the elf for the job."

Holly looked troubled. There was something simply not right about the situation. It was all too easy somehow.

"Foaly," she asked, "was there any extra security on Artemis's computer?"

Foaly frowned. "No, not really."

"The files weren't encrypted?"

"Nope."

"There was _nothing_ to hide this from us?"

"None."

Holly started pacing.

"We found this too easily, and that bothers me. Nothing about an Artemis Fowl situation is ever easy. For one, he's a genius. He wanted us to find that file. But why? Does he want us there? Does he want us to stay away? No to mention, _how_ did get magic? He told _me_ that it had all been used up by the time stream." She faced the two males. "If he was lying about that then who knows what else he's been lying about?"

Trouble looked troubled. "While your concerns are valid, Holly, this is information that we need. If I ask Foaly to keep hacking into Artemis' computer system, he will eventually realise that we're there, and might feed us doctored information. We need the real thing. Also, you are right in thinking that _this_ information might be doctored; if so, then it's your job to find out the truth. What _does_ Artemis want? You're a Recon officer, Holly. One of the best; _the_ best currently active. Even if you didn't have the history that you do with Artemis, I would be sending you on this mission. You know what information is important and what's not. You know which questions to ask."

Holly considered all of this. She did know that was better than most of the other officers. She'd even beaten Julius Root's flight record. Of course, wings had evolved since then thanks to Foaly, but still, it was something to be proud of. However, as with Root is was just good protocol to get in one more complaint. It wasn't like Trouble would be exactly bothered by it either, as long as she took the mission.

"Do I at least get backup from someone _other_ than Mulch and Doodah? Their handy, I'll give them that, but they lack, _finess_e so to speak."

Trouble smirked, considering this. "You will have Foaly for technical support down here. However, if Artemis finds out that you're there, and he probably will knowing that mudboy, he can help you. Other than that, _do not attempt to make any contact unless directed. _We don't _need_ anymore humans nosing into our business. One is too many as it is."

"And I can outfit you with my latest and greatest gadgets," said Foaly happily. "Just wait until you see what I've done with the suits since you left. It's enough to even make a goblin cry from sheer awe."

He saw the amused looks exchanged by the two officers.

"What?"

"Nothing, Foaly, nothing. Captain Short, those are your orders. It said on the recording that Artemis leaves on the first of September, correct?"

Holly nodded. "That's what the guy in the robes said."

"Then prepare yourself, and be ready to leave when he does. You have about a month to get your things in order. The both of you are dismissed."

As they exited the room, Holly turned to Foaly and said, "this is going to be another one of _those_ missions, isn't it?"

"Holly, you're being sent undercover to observe a _magic school_. And _Artemis Fowl_ is going to be there. It's always one of _those_ missions if Artemis Fowl is involved. That kid gets into more trouble than Trouble. Or Mulch. And that dwarf gets into some pretty interesting situations. Like while you were away he got stuck upside down in a barrel of rubber while chasing a sprite arsonist with a hatred for dwarves who caused one of their sacred tunnels to collapse or something. We had to send a squad to go fish him out because apparently Doodah was too busy laughing to help him."

"Okay... those two need a babysitter." Holly sighed. "So I guess I'd better bring along extra acorns. Who knows what the landscape will be like? I don't want to be caught dry again, even with your tech. The thought of magical humans is rather frightening. Why do I have to be the leading authority on Artemis Fowl?"

"Well, you see he kidnapped you while you were performing the ritual after you were caught above ground with next to zero magic in your tank, good thinking about bringing the acorns by the way, and a rampaging troll on the loose. I think that's the official story. Oh, and there's how he helped you put down the goblin rebellion, and you saved his dad, and _then_ there was that thing with the cube, not to mention that little problem with Opal, and then there was that whole thing where the two of you brought Hybras out of Limbo and ended up missing for three years."

"Thanks Foaly, you're a real friend," said Holly, drawing out the first word for sarcastic effect.

"Just doing my job, as a humble, modest, and exceedingly good looking- Hey!" he yelled as Holly's fist connected with his side. "That hurt!"

"Well, you deserved it. Without me around to supervise you children these last few years, you've gotten annoying. Mulch is even worse."

"Mulch was always annoying."

"Yeah, but as soon as he started spending time with you he got worse. The two of are enough to drive normal people insane."

The two friends continued to argue all the way back through the station, on their way to inform Diggums and Day Private Investigators of the potential military contract.

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A/N Hope you like it! Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Hasn't changed from last chapter.

Right. Really really really sorry. As was mentioned in the original version of chapter two, I had an exchange student staying with me and I was barely able to keep up with my homework, let alone anything else. Also, I wanted to re-do chapter two because it wasn't really at my best. I added about a thousand words to it, and this chapter is 2.5 times the original size of the previous two chapters. However, no excuse. I wanted to upload this today because it's Thanskgiving weekend. Yes, I do realise that in the US Thanksgiving is not until November, but in Canada it's this weekend and I am Canadian.

Enjoy.

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Chapter 3: Many meetings

Finally, he would be leaving today.

It had been a long month. First there had been the problem of explaining to his anguished mother exactly _why_ he needed to leave again so soon after his return, and just explaining magic in general. Thankfully Dumbledore had returned several days later to help with that one. The twins had been ecstatic when they saw the teapot turn into a gerbil. His mother had promptly fainted. His father just accepted the fact that his eldest son had always been a bit different.

Then he'd had to go to that Diagon Ally place, (which was suspiciously similar to diagonally. Really, what was with these people and naming things?) which had been a nightmare. First and foremost was the fact that it reminded him of a mall. Artemis hated malls. They were always too crowded. Thankfully people had a tendency to give Butler all the room that he needed. The second thing had been that wand maker. Artemis gazed out the window of the Bentley, ignoring his brothers' jabbering as he thought back to that event several days ago.

_Artemis entered Olivanders, the last stop on his trip with a slight sigh a relief. He _hated_ shopping. Almost as much as he hated any mention of socializing such as going to dances and whatnot. Stupid wastes of his time. It could be much better spent inventing and planning his next escapade. As his thoughts were otherwise preoccupied it took a moment to notice the shopkeeper. _

_Butler, of course, had noticed the odd man right away. He stood out, even among all the strange people that Butler had so far encountered on this little trip. One woman had been wearing a hat with pineapples growing out of it, and the books in Flourish and Blotts had pictures that literally _moved _you. This man, however, was even more different. He seemed to have an air around him that just screamed peculiar, and made people unsettled. Butler wondered if it was his large eyes or the way he seemed to creep around, never really leaving the shadows._

_Artemis did eventually notice the shopkeeper, his bi-coloured gaze meeting silvery eyes with a surprising intensity. A barely visible shudder ran through Olivander's body, before he crept partially into the sunlight._

"_And what do we have here today? A late-starter? That is a curious thing indeed. I wonder which wand will choose you?"_

_Artemis frowned slightly. He supposed that it was fairly obvious that he was a late-starter, but what did this man mean by a wand 'choosing' him? Wasn't _he _supposed to choose? He would not let the man know that he was disturbed, however. Artemis sensed an opportunity for the delicate dance of words that was his specialty; needless to say, he never passed up such an opportunity._

"_My very nature is curious. Curious as well would be a man who holds knowledge undivined by the masses."_

"_There are many sorts of knowledge in the world."_

"_I am here for one sort in particular."_

"_Is it a knowledge that you are able to bear?"_

_Neither of them had blinked throughout the exchange. It had been a test, and this was in essence the most important question._

"_I will bear that which is mine to bear."_

_Olivander held his gaze a moment longer, considering the pale youth so much like another who had once walked into his shop._

"_Then I will find you a wand."_

_Artemis smiled. Fowl point._

_Olivander hurried away, and plucked several long boxes off of the shelves. He returned to the desk, took one of the wands out, and thrust it at Artemis._

"_Holly, twelve inches, core of unicorn, quite springy. Give it a wave."_

_Artemis waved the wand obligingly and was startled when the shop's window cracked and the wand was immediately pulled out of his grip._

"_No, not that one at all. Here, Oak, ten and three quarter inches, phoenix feather core, rigid."_

_That wand hadn't worked either, and so the process went on, with Olivander becoming more and more excited. It appeared that he got some sort of adrenalin rush from trying to find the perfect wand for a person. So far he had told Artemis that he was not at all compatible with holly. _

_Not compatible with holly, thought the young genius. How ironic._

_Finally, Olivander seemed to feel that none of his ordinary wands would do for this customer, so he went to the back where he kept his special wands; wands whose materials were suspicious and not for the every day witch or wizard. There was one wand back there that just might work._

"_Oak," he said after retrieving the wand. "Thirteen inches. Flexible. Not for every witch or wizard."_

_Artemis looked at the wand, then at the man. He had left out a piece of information. After having wand facts practically yelled at him for the past hour, he was suspicious about the omission._

"_What about the core?"_

_Olivander met his gaze, seemingly staring into his soul. _

"_Well now, _I_ couldn't tell you. This wand has been in my family for generations, never been sold, and the core has been forgotten, if indeed it was ever known. It is therefor a rather curious wand, shrouded in mystery. My father once said that the core was the heartstrings of some strange beast whose name was not known to us, and the likes of whom have never been seen again. A curious beast, like devil's spawn, with strange blue markings. That is, however merely a family tale. Now," Olivander held the handle towards Artemis, "would you try wand?"_

_Artemis slowly smiled. Demon core? How appropriate. This would be the one._

_As he reached out to take the wand he could almost feel a building power rising through the wood, making the air hum with anticipation. As his fingers touched the handle, a jet of power shot through him, and brilliant blue stream of sparks flew out of the end of the wand, arranging themselves in a peculiar symbol._

_Olivander's eyes gleamed. "Ah yes, that is the one. That will be twelve galleons."_

_Artemis smiled slightly as he handed over the money. With a purchase such as this he wouldn't even try to bargain. _

_As he and Butler exited the shop, the manservant turned towards the young boy._

"_Artemis, that symbol seemed familiar. Was it..."_

"_The gnomish symbol for magic? Yes, old friend, it was indeed."_

Artemis smiled again as he recalled that symbol. It was fitting, really, that his magic would be so closely linked to that of the fairies, considering the history that he had with them. However, he should probably keep that bit of information to himself for now. No need to let the fairies know more than they need to, after all.

"Mom, Myles say I simple-toon!"

Now, all he had to do was survive this car ride in one piece and school would be a piece of cake, or whatever else it was that wizards ate for dessert. Two-years olds were the epitome of annoying.

Butler did not like train stations. They were a security nightmare; even worse than the mall. Malls, while crowed, still only had so many entrances and exits. Train stations had, well, trains, and trains could go just about anywhere in the country. They could even go to airports, which had planes. Planes can go anywhere in the world. No, Butler did not like train stations. Especially not when he had to try and keep track of two additional charges. Really, taking care of _Artemis_ was a full time job; he did not need to look after two more people in an area that already was controlled chaos in a bottle.

Thankfully, it was a Wednesday. And it was ten-hundred-and-thirty-hours of the clock, meaning that the station was slightly less crowded than it would be earlier or later in the day, or on the weekend.

Butler glanced over at his charge, who was frowning slightly at his ticket.

"It must be hidden somehow. Really, that's the only answer. It's certainly possible."

Butler sighed. Artemis was muttering to himself again. He should ask what was on his charge's mind before someone got the wrong impression and Artemis reduced them to a quivering mass of gelatin for implying that he was insane.

"What is hidden Artemis?"

"The train station."

Butler hopped that no one had heard that particular statement. He really didn't need people to think that Artemis was mentally unbalanced. Physically unbalanced, however, was something that Butler would fully agree to. He raised an eyebrow.

"Artemis, we are _in_ the train station."

Artemis glared mildly at his friend. "Yes, I know that. I meant the specific station, or platform if you will, that my train is supposed to depart from. It's hidden somehow, and I need to figure out how to get onto it. The instructions really weren't all that specific."

"What do you mean?" This was a question that Butler often asked.

"Well, does 'run straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten' sound like even mildly sane advice? I really must say goodbye to mother and father before I attempt anything of that sort. I don't need to give either of them a heart attack. They have two-year-olds to look after, so their constitutions are rather strained."

"Two is a difficult age for parents. Speaking of, you should say your goodbyes to them now. I will wait until you are through whatever barrier that you need to cross. You do have your phone, with the special chip, don't you? Call Holly if _anything_ goes wrong."

Artemis' eyes met Butler's, and he could see the sincerity in them. "Don't worry. Nothing will go wrong. With me there, what could? And I'm not supposed to know that Holly's here, remember?" he smirked.

Artemis walked over to where his parents were standing, looking around for the train that they would be taking. Angeline had decided at the last minute that the twins should get a chance to see the English country side via train. When she spotted her eldest son, however, she burst into tears and threw her arms around Artemis.

"Oh Arty, you do take care at this school. Call, email everyday. I don't want to loose you again."

"Yes, Artemis, send us any new ideas you think up while you're there. I know that your mind will working away, turning out new inventions. Now, Angeline, I think that you're suffocating our son."

Angeline released Artemis who gladly took this chance to breath. He smiled at his parents, "don't worry. It's a school. Nothing will go wrong," he reassured them much in the same manner as he had done with Butler earlier. "I will miss you though, Mother, Father. I will give you daily updates on the happenings at school. Myles, Beckett, be good. Don't do anything that I wouldn't do."

With that Artemis hugged his parents one last time and made his way over to the barrier between platforms nine and ten, with Butler taking his heavy trolley.

He exchanged a look with bodyguard and took the handle of the trolley. "I can do this Butler. I will do it. Just remember your end of the plans and everything will be fine. I'll contact you tonight."

Artemis turned around, looked determinedly at the barrier at quickly walked up to it, disappearing right at the moment that he would've hit the barrier.

Hovering twenty feet in the, Holly could only hear parts of Artemis' conversation. However, one line floated up crystal clear; "Don't do anything that I wouldn't do." She rolled her eyes. There wasn't much that Artemis wouldn't do, so he just basically given two-year-olds permission to try anything except taking over the world, and she wasn't so sure even about that. She dipped down lower as Artemis started to walk towards barrier, paused as he spoke to Butler, and accelerated as he walked towards the barrier passing through at the same moment that he did. What she saw on the other side amazed her. She made sure that her helmet cam was recording then tapped her speaker.

"Foaly, are you getting this?"

"Yeah," came the stunned voice from the other end of the line. "I don't believe it..."

Spread out before Holly was platform nine-and-three-quarters in all it's wizarding glory. The bright red steam train gleamed. Students and parents were filling up the platform, the students all hauling trunks with toads and cats and owls in cages tucked under arms or placed on top of trunks. Younger siblings were playing with toys that spun through the air in seemingly impossible feats. A totally innocent scene that threw her entire world, the entire definition of her existence into jeopardy.

"Foaly, make sure you record everything. Holly, stop gawking and find Artemis. You can watch the tape later if you want to stare," Trouble's voice sounded through her ear piece, shaking Holly out of her momentary stupor.

"Right."

She swooped lower, locating Artemis easily. Her helmet was trained to recognise his DNA and zoom in on him whenever he was in range. She watched him drag his trunk awkwardly onto the train, ducking through the door at the last minute, and pull it down through several cars while he searched for an empty compartment. She heard a snicker through her ear piece when he tripped slightly while trying to heave his trunk through a door at the end of the train; she agreed with Foaly, watching Artemis try to do physical labor was amusing. She didn't know why he had picked a compartment all the way down at the end of the train, but oh well. It was fun to watch.

Holly positioned herself on a rack in the train's hallway outside the door of Artemis' compartment and settled down for the trip.

She saw other people enter the compartment, but the only one that really threw her was a girl who appeared to be wearing radishes on her ears.

Artemis sighed with relief as soon as managed to get that damned trunk into the compartment and onto the luggage rack. Really, he either needed to find a way to make the trunk float, or he needed to enhance his physique. It was rather pathetic the way that a great mind like his was constantly being thrown into jeopardy because he was a physical weakling.

However, that could wait for later. Artemis took the opportunity of the compartment being empty to change into his school robes. Better to get these things done early. He then took out a book for the trip,_ A comprehensive Guide to Advanced Arithmancy, _and began to read. It wasn't long before the door was opened and he was joined by a girl about a year younger than himself, but seeing as she just sat down and started to read a magazine, he continued reading his tome.

Just as he settled into the right head space for deciphering the complex problems presented to him in the book, he heard voices outside the compartment door.

"This one is empty enough."

"Yeah, but there's that girl..."

"Oh don't be silly Nevile, that's just Luna Lovegood. She's in my year, and a bit odd certainly but there's nothing wrong with her."

"What about the boy though? He seems different..."

Different? Thought Artemis, well, that's certainly more polite than some have been.

"Let's just go in, Neville, we're not going to find another compartment."

Then the compartment door opened, this time admitting three new strangers, two boys and a girl. Artemis glanced up briefly, cataloging them and the girl who was already there.

The first girl, the one with the magazine which she now appeared to reading upside down, had pale blond hair and silvery blue eyes. She met Artemis' gaze momentarily and what he saw within her eyes surprised him. How interesting. She smiled as she returned to her magazine.

The second girl looked to be the same age as the first, and they obviously knew each other as girl two greeted girl one. Artemis thought that they may be about a year younger than himself. The second girl had bright red hair and brown eyes. Artemis thought that she looked like one of those people who always seemed to fighting to be recognized.

Then there was the nervous looking boy with the brown hair and eyes. He looked like he had grown too quickly, tall and ungainly. Artemis presumed from his demeanor that this was Neville, the voice that had sounded nervous about sitting with strangers. He was clutching some sort of plant, which Artemis thought he recognized from some of the reading he'd done to catch up to his year mates. So this boy must be interested in Herbology, thought Artemis. I wonder if I may be able to introduce to him ecology as well.

Then there was the other boy, the last person in the compartment. Tall for his age, which Artemis guessed to be around his own, he had a pale complexion and jet black hair. His emerald eyes were hidden by glasses; these would have been his most distinguishing features, with their striking colour, if it were not for a thin scar on his forehead. It was shaped like a blot of lightning. Artemis realised who this boy was from his reading. Interesting. This could be a potentially advantageous situation.

His analysis over, Artemis returned to his book. He really was hopping to finish it before he got to the school. However, it appeared that it was not to be. Harry Potter and the two others that he had entered with had apparently decided that he was deaf and couldn't hear their whispered conversation as they discussed him.

"Who do you think he is Ginny?"

Ah. That must the redhead's name.

"I don't know, I've never seen him before."

"His eyes are creepy. He looks kind of like a vampire."

"I don't think he's a vampire, Nevile."

Oh dear, thought Artemis. I should probably say something soon before they decide that I _am_ a vampire. Holly is sure to be listening and I really don't need to give Foaly more ammunition for mocking me.

"Why not? We had a werewolf for a teacher."

"He's got a point Harry."

"You know," drawled Artemis, "I am perfectly capable of hearing you, and if you would like your questions answered it be better if you actually _asked_ me instead of just making assumptions."

The three jumped. They hadn't expected the boy to talk; he had seemed so engrossed in his book.

Harry was the first to recover, his suspicion of this odd boy overcoming his surprise.

"So then, who are you? You look too old to be a first year. Why are you here? What business do you have at Hogwarts?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow at the tone he heard in the other boy's voice. While he realised that suspicion would be well merited if this dictator of evil called Voldemort was truly back, he did not know why there was an underlying current of outright hostility in the boy's speech. It would be worth looking into. He had a plan for this school, and this world. If Harry could be of use, so much the better for him.

"Artemis Fowl. I am a new student, although because of circumstance I will be placed in the fifth year class. Nothing else is really of any concern to you." Never give away more information than absolutely necessary, rule number one of a criminal master mind.

Harry's face hardened. For some reason this boy, Artemis, reminded him of Malfoy. They had the same sort of superior attitude, the same air of one who has grown up never wanting for anything.

"Isn't Artemis a girl's name?"

Everyone in the compartment turned towards the last occupant of the compartment, who Ginny had earlier called Luna.

Artemis looked slightly weary as he answered, as if it was something that he had to do often.

"Yes, it is traditionally a girl's name. However, it is also my father's name. No, I don't know my grandfather's reasons for naming his son such; perhaps to invoke the spirit of the goddess of the Hunt. In any case, my mother wished to name me after my father and so it was done. I don't see why people always insist on remarking upon it." And with Artemis took his book and tried to ignore his traveling companions. He had decided that speaking with them was useless at this at this point. With the possible exception of the blond girl, he did not think that they would be suitable to help him with his plan. In fact, he thought that Potter might actually hold a grudge against him already, before he'd even done anything.

Harry, Ginny, and Neville started to discuss Quidditch, ignoring Artemis almost as pointedly as he was ignoring them.

Artemis continued to read, keeping one ear on the conversation. It was a habit that he had developed long ago as a way to unnerve people. Really, it was quite amusing watching people jump after they realise that you've heard every thing that they've said despite seemingly not paying attention.

He was allowed to read more than half of his book before he was interrupted once again, this time by a brunette girl named Hermione Granger who had entered the compartment with one Ron Weasley, presumably the older brother of Ginny, a few minutes before.

"Do you enjoy Arithmancy?" she asked him, an eager look in her eyes. It seemed as if this was a subject that she rarely got to discuss. "I love it but Ron and Harry don't understand the attraction. They prefer courses where they don't do any real work, such as divination." Her mouth twisted with distaste. Apparently she didn't like divination.

Artemis slowly looked up from his book. His eyes caught hers and noted that she was momentarily disturbed by their colouring. He held her gaze silently, and raised one of his eyebrows as if to say, you're bothering me _why_?

Hermione, however, was not daunted. She was used to getting such looks from one of her professors, so seeing it on this boy was more odd than anything else.

"I heard that you're a new student. It's not often that new students come to Hogwarts. Well, last year there were a lot but that was because of the Tri-Wizard tournament. We don't get exchange students often. The last one was several years before we arrived at Hogwarts, I think. A transfer from Beaux Batons. We, Harry, Ron, Neville and I, are in the fifth year by the way. Ginny and Luna are in the fourth year. What year are you in? Which house do you think you'll be in? Or are you already sorted? Wh-"

"Hermione, either let him answer or don't ask questions. Let him breath in either case. You'll give him a heart attack." This was the one identified as Ron. Artemis silently thanked him. He wondered how that girl managed to breath while keeping up such a continuous stream of speech. Did Holly and Butler feel the same way whenever he Foaly got wrapped up in their explanations? He really must look into that. For now, however, he should answer the girl. She seemed to have a keen intelligence, even if it wasn't quite on par with his own. She might be able to help him.

"I am in the fifth year, if that means anything particular. No, I have not been sorted. As to which House I will be placed in once I _am_ sorted," Artemis paused, considering. Then he smirked. " No idea." Actually he _did_ have an idea, but it would not do to share it with these people. Until he got their measure, it was best to keep his suspicions about his character to himself.

Hermione was slightly put off by this. There was something strange about this boy. He had never answered her original question.

"So, will you be taking Arithmancy then? You wouldn't be reading that book if you weren't."

"Yes, I am taking Arithmancy." Obviously, thought Artemis. "Although, even if wasn't I would probably read the book anyway". He attempted to return to reading said book. She would be curious now. Excellent.

Hermione frowned slightly. This boy was being deliberately evasive. She practically had to drag every answer out of him. What was with this boy? She vowed that she would find out. He was a riddle, and Hermione would be damned if there was a riddle that she couldn't solve.

"Arithmancy is fascinating, but really, in terms of the elective courses Ancient Runes is much better. My friends disagree, but personally the study of ancient languages is intriguing. Wouldn't you agree?"

Artemis looked up. Ah, so this girl wanted to play the twisted game of words. This would be interesting. She was the second magical human with an ability at this game that he'd encountered. Perhaps she'd be able to hold her own for more than two minutes, unlike his last opponent, an oil merchant from Pakistan. Oh, the possibilities that could open up if there were more people like this in the magical community.

"It is intriguing when it is paired with the study of the cultures that used those languages, and the value that they hold for the present day society." Such as Gnomish, and the rest of the Fairies culture.

"History of Magic is interesting. Learning about the past can influence the future."

"History is history; in that, magic is inconsequential."

Hermione's eyes gleamed at this piece of information.

"So you've lived with muggles."

"It's the family business."

"Of Human Relations?"

That was interesting. She must also have spent time in a non-magical community.

"Of acquisition and requisition." How would she interpret that?

"Therefor stock market."

"Oil is a precious commodity."

"It is only precious as long as people want it."

"Supply and Demand."

"It's an economic science."

"I study science."

"Magic and science are different."

"To the contrary, they are one and the same."

"There is a potential for all things to exist."

Everyone turned to Luna. She had not spoken a great deal, merely read her magazine. It was surprising that she had been able to follow the exchange, unlike Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny. They had watched this pingpong exchange of words with wide eyes. To them, it seemed as if they were speaking in some sort of abstract code.

Artemis appraised the strange blond haired girl. This one, he thought, was definitely more than she seemed. It appears that my previous analysis was correct. She will most definitely be of use to my plan.

Then the train pulled into Hogsmead station, and the corridor was filled with the sounds of students talking and laughing as they made their way out of the train.

Artemis closed his book, walked out of the compartment and into the night. He smiled as he noticed a faint shimmer following him out of the corner of his eye.

* * *

A/N: A few things that people might be wondering: Yes, I do think that Luna really is intelligent. Hermione would probably know about economics because most adults watch the news (at least that I know) and Hermione being Hermione would have been curious and asked about the issues that she saw or just gone and looked them up in the closest Library to her house during summer vacation.

Speaking of issues: Another reason this was late is because the friend who is helping me edit this is currently wrapped up in the federal election. Her father is running for member of parliment. What's that? You didn't know that Canada was also having an election? I don't blame you. Compared to the drama of the American election, we're actually pretty boring at the moment. Also, people there have been campaining and stuff since(it seems like) June, July and they don't vote until November, and we were all hearing about it before then with the Democratic primaries and everything. Our election was announced in late August and we vote on Wednesday.

Why oak for Artemis' wand? Well, nerd that I am, Oak is the type of tree that Treebeard resembles. No other real reason, I just needed a tree.

Anyway, two weeks tops this time, Guides (scoutes) Honour!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Since my name is clearly not J.K. Rowling or Eoin Colfer, I am therefor not making any money off of this venture. It's just for fun.

A/N: Ahem. Yes, this is several days late. However, I have a valid reason. Window's Vista crashed my computer and my entire hardrive got wiped. Several days after the chapter was done. And, it's approx. 100 words longer than the last chapter. So, I think that I made fairly good time all things considering.

Thanks to THe KIKO peRsON who not only reviewed the last chapter but also mentioned that oak is the tree that acorns come from. So, yay for Artemis' wand!

* * *

Chapter 4: Scouting, Sorting, and the Trouble with naming things.

Holly started a routine check of all her equipment when her helmet monitor informed her, in Foaly's voice, that the velocity of the train was decreasing without an increase in the grade of the slope and that the average velocity of the train would be reaching zero within the next few minutes; in layman's terms this meant that the train was going to stop soon. She powered up her wings as she heard Artemis' voice near the compartment door. Being rather dramatic tonight, wasn't he? She'd been listening to his conversation, and parts of it had both her, and Foaly back down in Haven, shuddering with laughter while Trouble yelled at them for breaking radio silence. She watched as Artemis left the compartment, and followed him out of the train and into the night. Time to report in.

"Commander, we have reached our destination and the Target is on the move. Send out the second unit." Holly refused to refer to this mission, and therefore the second unit, by it's proper name. It was just degrading.

"Roger that Captain. Deploying Unit Two. Stay with the Target until otherwise instructed. Radio Silence is to be enforced unless necessary."

Holly rolled her eyes. Trouble had been saying that for the past four hours and neither she nor Foaly had been exactly complying. I wonder if Internal Investigations would call that insubordination? Oh well.

"Copy that, Commander. Short out."

Holly kept a DNA target lock on Artemis while she looked around a little. Hey, she was in _Recon_, it was in her nature to look around in any given situation, especially if said situation had multiple unknown factors. She set her helmet to filter out all of the inane chatter of the students massed below her(she did not _care_ if Lavender's summer boyfriend had dumped her or that Eloise had an acne problem, thank you very much), and focused on words that were either unknown, or related to magic. Some weird things came up. She heard a lot of people talking about 'Quidditch', 'Defense Against the Dark Arts', and 'Mad Potter and Loony Dumbledore'. She would need to find out what, or who, these things were. She was jolted out of her reverie as a stern looking woman called the Target's name; "Artemis Fowl."

-

"Artemis Fowl division Unit Two, ready for launch."

"Pig's Pimples Unit Two, you've got the go ahead. The coordinates are being transferred to us and we'll be clear for launch in approximately four-point-oh minutes."

"Why," mused Mulch Diggums as the shuttle that they were taking up to a tunnel a hundred meters below the surface of Scotland ran through it's automated preflight check, "did they decide to name this mission Pig's Pimples, do you think?"

"They heard that you would be coming along." Mulch's partner in, well, not _crime_ since they were officially _reformed_ criminals, but _business_, Doodah Day replied. "You have the face of a pig, and I dare say that your unfortunate acne problem is resurfacing. It's been terrible ever since you got dumped in that glue. Clogged your pores right up, it did."

"Really? And here I thought that it was a reference to _you_, that perhaps the LEP had mistaken your head for a giant pimple. That's your new name! Pimple!"

"Windbag."

"Hey! I'm not a politician! Pimply pixie."

"Gassy dwarf."

"Spawn of Opal."

"Hey! Now I'm _really_ insulted. OK, well you're a-"

"Shut up!" Trouble's face appeared on the computer screen in the front of their transport. "Enough insults! You're supposed to be professionals, not children!"

"Yessir, right away sir."

"We are please to obey the Great Commander of Trouble, He Who is Brother to the Noble Grub Who Faced the Mudman Butler and Lived to Tell the Tale While His Older Brother Was Incapacitated. "

The two private investigators collapsed against each other laughing. Mulch had, of course, told Doodah all about the Fowl Manor siege and the trouble that Trouble had had. Doodah, much like Mulch, found it absolutely hilarious, especially since Grub was known for calling in sick with a hangnail. Needless to say, they never wasted an opportunity to mock Trouble about it.

Needless to say, Trouble was not amused. In fit of spite, he pressed the launch button for the shuttle before Doodah and Mulch were strapped in. The resulting fiasco as they tried to sort themselves out as the shuttle zoomed to Scotland at a hundred miles per hour on autopilot was quite amusing.

Then Foaly's voice came over his speaker.

"Nicely done, if a tad under-dramatic for my personal tastes. They did have an interesting question though, boss."

"What, Foaly?"

"Why _did_ you name this mission 'Pig's Pimples'? It sounds like a _really_ bad riverbend tune, and I normally like that stuff."

Trouble frowned.

"Hogwarts. Pig's Pimples. It was the first thing that I could come up with."

Foaly snorted. "Seriously? Wow. I didn't know that you were that bad at naming things. You could have named it, say, a Fowl Incident Number Six, or, Artemis Again: Magical Mayhem at School, or perhaps Double double Artemis trouble? Or how about-"

"_Enough_ Foaly, I get the point. Although your names are as bad as mine."

"No they're not. I think of excellent names."

"How about we just officially re-name it Artemis Fowl Six?"

Foaly rolled his eyes. "Considering that we're dealing with _Artemis Fowl_? Genius."

-

"Artemis Fowl."

Minerva McGonagall called over the heads of the students on the Hogsmead station platform. Albus had asked her to meet the new student, Artemis Fowl, there and escort him to the castle separately from the first years. He hadn't given her much of a description by which to identify the boy, however. Merely, "he is a student that you have not seen before at Hogwarts. However, you'll know him when you see him." While she had the utmost respect for Albus he could at times be more infuriating than dealing with the Weasley twines after one of their pranks. Full of stories, those two. Almost as bad as the infamous Marauders.

"Excuse me, madame, but might you be Professor McGonagall? I was told by the Headmaster that she would meet me at the platform."

Minerva looked towards the polite voice coming from her right. She wondered how she had possibly missed the boy. Those eyes were almost unnatural, the one a rare, deep blue, the other shifting through subtle tones of brown and green, nominally hazel but never quite settling on a definite shade. And even without them, he would have stood out. He had that same aura that she saw amongst some particular students, at the same time both more and less pronounced. He seemed to be capable of things far beyond the students she normally taught, and yet somehow, behind as well.

All this passed in the blink of an eye, and Minerva quickly recovered her composure. Not quickly enough, however. Artemis' mouth quirked slightly in amusement. He seemed to be used to the effect that he had on people.

"It's the eyes, I know. They have a tendency to," he paused, looking straight at her, "unnerve people."

Minerva quickly turned around saying, "this way, mister Fowl."

Merlin's stars, but this boy was strange. Perhaps that was why Albus had sent her to meet him directly at the station. She lead him to the carriages in silence. Would he be able to see them? She wondered if that was why Albus had asked her to escort this boy; to see and judge his reactions. Although she was not as sly as some of the other teachers, Minerva McGonagall was shrewd when it came to dealing with students.

Artemis followed behind.

When they reached the carriages, she Minerva turned around to see the boy standing stock still, staring at the spaces where horses ought to be, but where something else was harnessed instead. His face was a mask. Then he smiled and turned towards her, polite and yet at the same slightly arrogant. "Tell me, professor, what are those creature? It seems to me a rather curious fact that not all of my peers can see them."

So he'd picked up on _that_ little detail as well. Minerva wondered if the boy in fact knew very what they were, and was testing his teacher to see if _she_ was competent!

"I assure you that they mean you no harm, Mister Fowl. If you would enter the carriage; I would none the less prefer to explain where younger ears cannot hear."

Artemis nodded, and ascended into the carriage.

-

"Whoa. Foaly, is there a branch of the family that you never told us about?"

"No, no there is not."

"No distant cousins that escaped our notice?"

"Personally I think they look more like Mulch."

"Foaly and Short, would you keep the airwaves clear! This is a Recon mission, not a gab session. If you want to talk about the horse-things, watch the damn tape on your _own_ time! Short; keep you eyes ahead. Stay with the target until you're within sight of the school, then recon the grounds. You've got about two hours max before unit two reaches you, so you'll need to have done a preliminary sweep of the area and found a suitable base by then. No comments Foaly! Get to it Short, and keep the damn airwaves clear!"

"Aye aye Commander."

Holly had heard the implied 'or else' at the end of Trouble's little triad. Geeze, was he channeling the spirit of Julius Root of something? Root was the only person she'd ever known who could pull off that tone of voice without sounding like a bad gangster. Maybe it just came with the job.

She followed the carriage that Artemis and the strict looking woman had taken, keeping her sensors and eyes peeled for any trace of this 'school of magic'. Her helmet sensors located a large stone mass five minutes before she actually caught a glimpse of the place. When she finally turned the corner, she whistled. She had no idea that humans were still capable of structures like this.

She heard her whistle echoed by Foaly.

"Wow. That's a serious big medieval pile of rock."

"Foaly, shut the hell up! That's an official order this time! If you keep blocking the air waves I am going to cut your department funding!"

"Aw, you wouldn't do that. Then I wouldn't be able to invent cool new stuff for you guys to use."

"Just shut up."

"Roger Dodger boss."

Holly rolled her eyes as Trouble cursed. Really, he was blocking the airwaves just as much as they were with his ranting for them to be quiet. Holly gunned her wings, gaining altitude. She flew once around the perimeter of the castle, recording height, depth, width, length, stone quality, human activity and any else that Foaly had programmed her helmet to measure.

After that she winged her way over to the lake, doing a fly by and dropping a depth sensor. Once she was sure that the sensor was sending information she turned towards the forest on the edge of the grounds, but got side tracked by an odd sort of playing field. It was long and oval, about 150 by 55 meters, with six large hoops on sticks, three at either end of the field. What puzzled her the most about this, however, was the height of the rings; two were situated at nine-point-one meters off the ground, two at fifteen meters, and the remaining two were at twelve meters. Holly hadn't detected any signals from computers, televisions or even phones in the area; so then how the heck did these humans play a sport fifteen feet off the ground? They were light years away from any sort of flying technology. An image of a typical witch on a broomstick popped into her head. She snorted. Yeah, right, like _that_ could ever happen. Pigs would fly before brooms did.

Holly continued on towards the forest. There was some sort of outbuilding near the edge that looked unoccupied. She thought perhaps that someone might have lived there previously, but now was either residing withing the castle proper or had vacated the area. She made a note of that and sent it along with the relative data down to Haven.

She skimmed across the top of the forest. When she had first seen it, Holly had thought it the ideal place for a base as it would be easy to hide a cam pod under the thick, leafy canopy, and it afforded easy access to the school and thus to Artemis. However, as she flew over head she picked up massive life form readings and high energy auras thanks to the software that Foaly had 'borrowed' from Artemis. Also, she heard howls and screeches that sent chills down her spin; they made her think of some sort of cross between trolls, goblins, and the crazed demons she and Artemis had faced on Hybras. Note to Haven: avoid forest until further investigations have been conducted.

She turned and flew back to the town near the train station where the students had disembarked. She saw a sign as she passed the outskirts; 'Welcome to Hogsmead'. So that was the name then. Oh dear.

Holly took note of some of the stores that she passed; no few of them struck her as being quite odd. There was 'Quality Quidditch Supplies', 'Zonko's', a post office that sold _owl_ services, and then something truly atrocious in her opinion. There was a pub called 'the Hog's Head'.

Holly shook her head. What was with these mudmen and naming things? Hogwarts, Hogsmead, Hog's Head; it was really enough that she had to consider the sanity of these 'wizards'. Then she grimaced. She also had to consider the sanity of her Commander. He appeared to be just as bad at naming things.

As Holly flew around the outskirts of the city she noticed a seldom used path heading back at an angle to the school. She followed it until she found an old, abandoned building. She took a reading; there were no life forms inside an it appeared to be devoid of any magical energy. She landed on the ground and went in cautiously. It looked abandoned alright. There was a thick layer of dust everywhere, and the furniture looked like it had gotten beaten up several times. Further in, she found a locked door. While the lock had once been sturdy, now it was rusty and practically falling off the rotting door. Behind the door was a tunnel. Holly checked her orientation; it lead back towards the school. She smiled. Mulch would love being underground.

"Commander, we've got a base."

-

Artemis was not all that impressed by the castle. Well sure, it was _big_, and most certainly magical, but really, the whole 'gargoyles and suits of armor' decor was so passé. Now, he personally thought that Fowl Manor was a perfect example of tasteful classical architecture with a modern flair. He had impeccable taste in art, he really did.

Artemis glanced at his watch. Professor McGonagall had left him here in this room off the Great Hall after escorting the first years in to be sorted. She had explained to him prior to reaching the castle that, because he was a special case, he would be sorted separately, after the regular students.

As of now he had officially been waiting for twenty-two minutes and forty-seven seconds. Although, to be fair, the professor had not given him a specific time as to when he would be entering. She had merely said, "after the first years are sorted", which Artemis had assumed would take about ten minutes since there weren't a whole lot of them. Twenty-eight to be exact. Surely the names were just read off of a magic list or something and then they went to sit at that table. It couldn't take that long. He had already composed half a symphony in his head. Oh well, there was nothing to do he supposed but finish the other half.

He was right in the middle of a particularly difficult section with a clarinet soli forming the key change from B-minor to G-sharp-major when Professor McGonagall opened the door and beckoned.

As he entered, the students in the hall erupted into whispers. He had known it would. He was a novelty, and they were curious. It seemed as if Professor Dumbledore had already explained about his situation, so at least he didn't need to listen to a speech about in-school relationships and how they should all be welcoming of him. He knew that by the end of tonight at least half of them would hate him completely due to his most probable house placement.

Professor McGonagall gestured towards a stool with a battered old hat upon it. Artemis frowned slightly. How would putting on a hat help them to decide his placement? Oh well, he might as humour the wizards. He walked over to the hat and tried to put it on in a dignified way; however, one can only muster so much dignity when one is wearing a battered, old, and slightly smelly hat.

Then, if he had had even one iota less self control, he would have jumped a foot in the air as a small voice began speaking in his head.

"_Ah, what have we here? Hmmmm.... Curious indeed."_

Artemis forcibly refrained himself from asking _what_ was curious. He didn't need these people thinking that he was mentally unstable, talking to a hat.

"_There is a great intelligence here, to be certain. A great intelligence indeed."_

I could have told you that myself, thought Artemis.

"_There is also a profound loyalty, and a tendency to get yourself into trouble. Gryffindor might be the House for you."_ The voice paused. _"Then again, maybe not. Your innate curiosity and drive for knowledge suggests Ravenclaw, but I don't think that you would do best there. Hmmmm... if your were of wizarding blood I must say that I would not hesitate to put you in Slytherin. You certainly exhibit enough cunning! Some of those schemes you've pulled, oh my oh my. You're curious enough for Ravenclaw, cunning enough for Slytherin, and would go out of your way to protect those you care about, just like any Gryffindor. So where should you go?_

Artemis was internally debating the pros and cons of having a voice, presumably the voice of a hat, speaking in his head listing his virtues and faults. On hand, it was providing a brilliant psychological analysis and afforded great insight into his personality from a third person perspective that counselors of the human or fairy variety had never been able to give, seeing as he could answer their questions before they asked them. On the other, it was rather unnerving and he wanted it over as soon as possible. Unfortunately for him, the hat appeared to be in a chatty mood and was deeply enjoying the challenge that he posed.

He did wish that the Hat would hurry up though. Some of students had begun whispering again. Apparently it didn't usually take this long to decide.

"_I could put you Slytherin even though you don't really have the lineage; there are exception to every rule and it's not totally unheard of to find muggleborns in that house. But, given your history you might want a chance to redeem yourself. If that's the case than I have two options; I can put you in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw and let you put your past behind you. Or, I could put you in Slytherin and let you confront you past. You could do well there. You have cunning, and ambition, and the fact that you are muggleborn wouldn't alienate you from the other houses. I think that you could change the seemingly unchangeable, and bridge the gap between the Houses. I am not above meddling in House politics, and at this time it is more crucial than ever that the Houses remain united. So what do you say?"_

Oh, are you quite done with your internal ranting then? Thought Artemis at the Hat. Since it was already inside his head he assumed that it could hear his thoughts.

"_Oh, you're cheeky too! Well, come on boy. But I warn you, the choice that you're thinking of making might lead you back to your old ways."_

Nothing could lead me back to who I was when my family was broken, thought Artemis. I can and will face that.

"_Very well then, let your House be **SLYTHERIN!**"_

The last part was obviously audible to the rest of the room as there was some polite clapping as he was directed towards a table underneath green and silver banners depicting a serpent.

The reception was lukewarm, to say the least.

A space was grudgingly made for him down at the farthest end of the table, where it was obvious that the loners and outcasts of the House were required to sit. They were all younger students, or students who had the look of loners. There was one, however, who didn't quite fit the mold; he looked to be Artemis' own age, and was watching the young genius intently. He wasn't the only one. Artemis could feel the eyes of the room watching him, particularly the eyes belonging to what he assumed to be the 'elite' of Slytherin House. He did not let them bother him. He took his place as with the same flair with which he did anything; he was Artemis Fowl, and these people would find that out soon enough.

The Headmaster stepped up and prepared to make a speech. However, he was interrupted by a stout woman who bore an unfortunate resemblance to a toad. As she began to speak Artemis frowned. His frown increased as his listened to her, and realised the implications of her words; there would be trouble at this school. And not the Commander of the LEP he thought to himself.

Artemis glanced around the room to see who else had picked up the woman's message. There were a few older students and the table beneath the blue and bronze banner, which Artemis identified as Ravenclaw, one of them being the pale haired girl from the train. The other girl, the one who had introduced herself as Hermione of Gryffindor, had also picked up the message; she appeared to be the only one at her table to have done so. The students at the remaining table other than his own, which was by process of elimination Hufflepuff, looked either confused, gormless, zoned out, or flat out asleep, like most of the rest of Gryffindor table other than Hermione. And this was putting it politely. The other Ravenclaws appeared to have pulled out text books and were discretely reading until the toad-woman had finished.

This left Artemis' own House; Slytherin. Almost all of the students above the age of fourteen or so displayed an understanding of the hidden message, and some of the younger weren't that far behind. There were a couple around a pale boy who gave the impression of being a leader in this House who had the look of badly hired muscle, but other than that there were no real exceptions. This was definitely the House of Cunning.

"So," drawled a voice from across the table, "you see it too. I guess that proves you _are_ a Slytherin."

Artemis turned towards the boy who had seemed out of place at this end of the table.

"And you came to this conclusion because I was able to decipher a badly veiled threat by an incompetent politician?"

The other boy smirked. "No. because you managed to find everyone else in the room who did."

"Then you should give a positive report to whomever told you to spy on the newest student, who, might I add, you suspected might be sorted into your House despite evidence against him."

The other raised an eyebrow. "You discovered all that? Well then, you _are_ good."

Artemis smirked. "Of course. I'm Artemis Fowl."

"Blaise Zabini. Let me be the first to officially welcome you to Slytherin. Although," he paused for a moment, "you might have some trouble from the Prince of Slytherin." Blaise gestured to the pale boy seated at the other end of the table.

Artemis rolled his eyes. "Please, don't insult me. He's arrogant, probably thinks that his father can solve any problem and has never had any real life experience. If I so wanted, I could dethrone your Prince in less than a week."

"Dangerous talk, that. Draco Malfoy's father is a powerful person. Surprising how you could determine that though."

Artemis looked straight at Blaise.

"And there, you see, is the difference. _I _am a powerful person. And it's basic psychological analysis. I've written several books on the theory. You should how funny it is when so-called professors try to apply my own theories to myself. I usually end up sending them to there own hospitals. Oh, so is that how they get the food up here? I really must find out how it's done."

Blaise raised an eyebrow, ignoring the food that had just appeared on the plates. "Psychological analysis?"

"Determining why people behave in certain ways and what caused it."

"Ah. So, is that what does your family does in the muggle world then? Psychological analysis?"

"On the contrary. While what we do does involve certain analytical aspects, it is most often of a different sort than psychological. The Fowl's have for several centuries made the acquisition and requisition of goods our main priority. Recently we have moved into the green energy market and global conservation."

"You're a thief then."

"The best. Or I was, in any case. There was another who picked up on that. However, father has recently had an attack of conscience and moved all of our assets to strictly legal ventures. I can't that I wholeheartedly oppose him."

"But there is some opposition."

"Well, of course. Some people deserve it and stealing really is too much fun. Breaking into interpol really is quite amusing considering their opinion of their so-called security."

"Just who are you?"

"Why, Artemis Fowl of course."

-

Draco Malfoy glanced down the length of the Slytherin table during the feast and saw the new boy, the muggleborn who professed to be a Slytherin, deep in conversation with Blaise. Apparently his associate

found something of worth in the boy. Then he turned and those strange eyes met Draco's measuring gaze. The other boy smirked and raised his glass towards Draco. It was a salute, a challenge to the leader of Slytherin. Draco looked away without acknowledging the other boy, but they both knew that the challenge was on. Perhaps he wasn't such a bad fit for Slytherin. Draco would deal with him back in the common room, where the other, inferior, students of the school were not privy to the inner workings and dealings of the great House of Slytherin.

-

Blaise watched the exchange with amusement.

"You know that you're in for it now. Draco Malfoy is not one to take such a challenge lightly."

"I'm not challenging him, just the authority that he thinks he has to determine who is worthy of serving under that authority. Besides, haven't we been over this?"

Blaise just shook his head.

"Seriously though, there isn't a lot that really goes on in the Slytherin common room. The last interesting thing that happened was back in third year when Draco broke his arm and Pansy Parkinson fainted at the thought of 'her poor Drakey' being hurt. I mean, other things do happen, altercations between us and the Gryffindors mostly, but that got old in first year. Watching you take on Draco will be interesting. People will be talking about this for years to come."

Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Glad to be of service as the official entertainment. Now, you were explaining about Quidditch. You people actually fly _broomsticks_? How do they get off the ground?"

"I'm not sure exactly how it works. You might want to ask Marcus Flint later. He's a Quidditch nut. As far as I can tell it has something to do with a levitation charm...."

-

Hermione kept glancing over her shoulder throughout the entire feast. The two objects of her gaze were the despicable woman Umpbridge and the boy Artemis Fowl. Umpbridge was disgusting; a loathsome pawn of the ministry had no right to interfere with education! However, her motives were clear. She wasn't hiding anything. Artemis Fowl, however, was another case.

She had expected him to make Ravenclaw. He showed a keen enough intelligence and a slightly twisted way of thinking as he tired to examine all of the angles of a situation. Still, considering what he had said about his family...

"Hey, Hermione, what's so interesting about that transfer kid?" Ron asked while reaching for something else to shove down his mouth into the bottomless pit that he called a stomach. Really, his eating habits were rather disgusting at times.

"Well, for one Ron, he appears to have mastered the art of table manners."

Harry snorted into his mashed potatoes.

Ron just looked at her. "Hey, I'm a growing boy. I need food."

"Whatever Ron. Anyway, I'm wondering why he's in Slytherin. I mean, he dropped enough hints on the train that he thought that's where he would end up, but I never really expected it to happen."

"Hang on," Harry interjected, "when did he say he thought that he would be in Slytherin?"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Well, he didn't go right out and say it. But the way he kept insinuating things, his family business, the way that he avoided mentioning what House he would be in; these all indicated that he thought that he would be in Slytherin."

"I still don't get it. What does his family business have to do with being in Slytherin?"

"Really, Ron, use your brain. He said that his family was in the business of acquisition and requisition. Isn't it obvious?"

Harry and Ron stared blankly at her.

"He's a thief. 'Acquisition and requisition' is the same as saying 'buying and selling', which is practically open code for stealing."

Ron's mouth was hanging open.

"B-b-but you said that he was in that stock market thing!"

"Ron, anyone who says that they're 'buying and selling' _is_ working the stock market. They're trying to manipulate the stocks so that they will profit the most from the outcome. Do you know how many scandals involve the stock market? And besides, anyone who is legally involved in the stock market would call themselves a stock market consultant. 'Investors' can be legal. However, some of them are quite crooked."

"Hermione, it's never been brought into question that you're smart, but you know this _how_?"

"Because I watch the news when I'm at home during summer break, Harry, and my father explained to me about stock fraud years ago when I why the news anchor said that some corporation's shares had plummeted after a stock fraud revelation, forcing them to declare bankruptcy."

Since the looks on her friends' faces told her that they clearly were not following, Hermione just rolled her eyes and went back to contemplating the newest plot twist in the story that was life at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

* * *

Why Slytherin?

Personally, I find the Slytherin mindset to be fascinating. Also, the hat listed some of my main reasons; facing his past, uniting the school. Also, I mean, I could see him in Ravenclaw, but Gryffindor? Artemis? Maybe a few years further down the road but I don't quite think he's there yet. Like he said, he _enjoys_ stealing from those who deserve it.

Well, I hope that you like it. Please, if there are any glaring mistakes, Review! Tell me what I did wrong. Review anyway. Please?

Sincerely,  
Singer, La Chanteuse


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own

So, Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed, you are much appreciated.

Please, if you see something wrong with this piece, something that is unclear, tell me and I'll try to address it in the next chapter.

This chapter had more insight into why some characters were acting the way they did in the last chapter.

Also, OC's are inevitable, seeing as how we don't know the names of every student in Slytherin. However, they won't be taking over the plot.

Thanks.

* * *

Chapter 5: And so it begins

Draco Malfoy was glad to see a Hogwarts feast end for the first time in his life. That muggleborn was getting on his nerves. He needed to deal with this issue now. He hoped that Blaise had uncovered something good about that boy. His spy could take on many faces; the indifferent one that he showed to Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, the inquisitive one for getting information from Ravenclaws, and the keen, insightful one with which he made his reports to Draco. Yes, Blaise was a most useful spy. He might not be the most loyal, but his level of intelligence was considerably higher than either Vincent's or Gregory's , and Theodor and Marcus were too obsessed with Quidditch to care about much else.

O, for goodness sake, would that senile old man hurry up and dismiss them already?!

-

Blaise was keeping his face outwardly curious and amused without betraying his true emotions; he had a talent for keeping masks in place. Inside however, his mind was in turmoil. Who in their right mind would actually admit to being a high-level thief? Who was this Artemis Fowl in the muggle world that he could make such claims? And why, if his claims were true, wasn't he guarding what he said? Then something occurred to him. Artemis was giving him the facts, the events, but he was concealing all the reasons _why_ he'd done things, and his ultimate motives.

There was one question in the multitude that Blaise had that kept resurfacing, and he never had a satisfactory answer for it.

Who was Artemis Fowl?

And why on earth did he keep smiling like that?

-

Professor Dumbledore was very intrigued by the young boy, Artemis Fowl. While the boy had certainly exhibited Slytherin qualities, the way that he had interacted with his family when he had come to see the boy a second time had hinted at another side to him. Hmmmm. He would have to talk to the Hat later. He suspected that it had meddling in House politics. Not really that surprising, after that song about standing together and remaining united against evil.

Yes, he needed to have a good, long discussion with the Hat. It was surprisingly insightful for a piece of clothing. Maybe it could also help him with the problem that he was having with his socks.

He really should dismiss the students now.

-

Artemis was smiling. Seeing him smile unnerved people, and it appeared to be working quite well with this Blaise character. While Artemis could see the potential for a not entirely hostile relationship with this person, he was also immensely enjoying seeing him attempt to figure the answers to the riddle that he was posing.

Crime also unnerves people. The smile became a smirk. Now that one really was funny. While he normally kept the little stealing fact to himself, watching people's reactions here was priceless. The stock market indeed. That one was a clever girl though, he had to admit. She had figured out his little game. Admittedly he hadn't been playing at his full level, but still, the fact that she had managed to un-weave his little web after a fashion was remarkable for an ordinary girl of her age. However, amusement wasn't the real reason that he had dropped that little bomb. He needed to keep these people off their guard, especially since some of these teenagers were almost as well versed in intrigue as he was. Telling them that he was a thief was one way to do this. Also, he was in a House that was notorious for producing criminals. Why should him being a thief bother them, when you came down to it?

Then the last crumbs of food cleared from the plates and Dumbledore said a few last words. Artemis saw the glance that he got from the so-called 'Prince' of Slytherin.

So it begins, he thought.

-

Professor Snape watched closely as his students left the hall. He would be monitoring their common room very closely tonight. He didn't want any arguments to escalate to violence. He hated taking points away from his own House.

-

Blaise received the signal from Draco to lead Artemis to the common room by a different route then Draco would take with the first years. Draco would be getting them and the younger students out of the common room before he had to deal with Artemis. It wasn't wise to let the younger students see a power struggle between their leader and a false contender. He and Draco had discussed this in great length when the other boy had heard from his father about the new student. Letting the younger students see a House divided was tantamount to openly declaring war amongst the various factions within the House. For the facade that they showed to the rest of the school was just that, a facade. Inside the House of Slytherin it was a very different story.

However, that was for later.

"Come," he said to Artemis, "I'll show you where some of the class rooms are located so that you don't have to hear Draco's speech to the first years. He was practicing it during the whole train ride here. Frankly, it gets rather boring after the third time.

-

Hermione Granger was not a girl who jumped to conclusions like her friends. If she suspected something, she would research the problem extensively before coming to a decision on the subject. She also didn't judge things quite the way that they did. She had kept a professor's secret for an entire year before telling her best friends, and that was only after the situation had become dangerous. And most of all, if there was something that she didn't know, Hermione was a girl who would search until the ends of the earth to find an answer.

Artemis Fowl was one such thing.

While Harry and Ron had immediately written him off as a future Death Eater once he had been placed in Slytherin, she was uncertain. First of all there was the fact that he was muggleborn and yet had somehow _known_ that he would be placed in a house that was infamous for it's obsession with bloodlines. For another, there was his 'family business'. Even Mundungus had never had that sanguine attitude. Dung maintained that it was his livelihood; Artemis seemed to take an obscure _pleasure _ in the fact that he was able to take things away from people.

By all accounts, even though Hermione was cautious about jumping to conclusions, she should hate him.

But she didn't.

She didn't know why. There was just this nagging voice that occupied the same space as her common sense that told her that this boy was more than what, and who, he appeared to be.

Hermione watched as he left the Hall after most of the other Slytherins, in the company of Blaise Zabini. She vowed to herself, just as she had done in third year when a teacher mysteriously fell ill each month, that she would not rest until she discovered the secret of Artemis Fowl.

-

"Spacious digs, Holly. I absolutely love the tunnel. Being above ground makes my skin itch like you wouldn't believe."

"Oh yes, he is _incredibly_ allergic to the sun. It does absolutely _terrible_ things to his skin. Believe me, nothing smells worse than burnt dwarf. Even regular dwarf. I would know."

Holly put her head in her hands and groaned. She was going to survive being in close quarters with these two for an undefined period of time, how?

She sighed. If the antics of her two partners were the only thing on her mind, then she wouldn't be in such a state. However, there was a another problem.

She didn't know how she hadn't seen it before. Their base was, after all, in a house. A human house. One that she didn't have permission to enter. So then why the hell wasn't she sick?! Not that she wanted to be sick. Arg! This paradox was driving her insane. She hadn't noticed right away, because she hadn't felt nausea or any of the other symptoms typical to having your magic forcibly drained out of you. The worst part was that she couldn't even compare or discuss her situation with her companions; being former thieves, they had both forfeit their magic long ago. Not that Mulch really ever needed his, what with all of the various bodily functions with which dwarfs were equipped. Either way, she should be sick! But she wasn't!

She's radioed Haven when she'd realised her situation, but her fellows were just as confused as she was. Foaly said that maybe because the humans were magical they didn't apply to the regular laws. Trouble was stumped. Then someone brought Number 1 and Quan in, but the only thing that they could come up with was that maybe no human had actually lived there, thus negating the law. Afterwards, Trouble had added it to her list of things to find out, which surprisingly did _not _improve her mood.

"Hey, you mangy dwarf, that was _my_ chocolate bar!"

"Not anymore it isn't!"

It was now that Holly snapped. Standing up and turning around to face her companions, who were rolling around in the middle of all of the equipment that they were _supposed_ to be setting up while fighting over a chocolate bar, she fired two low-setting blasts from her Neutrino right over their heads.

When they turned to stare at her, she said calmly, "now, if you are done with whatever is was you were doing, I suggest that you return to setting up this base before I report to two of you to the Commander for misconduct."

Mulch scoffed. "Like you'd do that to a friend, Holly. Besides, old Trouble Kelp is another good friend of ours. He wouldn't come down hard on us."

It occurred to Holly at this point that the current situation was rather ironic seeing as how Trouble had been trying to discipline her and Foaly earlier and had gotten much the same response as she was getting now. Further irritated by this fact, Holly settled for shooting the area above above their heads again, burying them in a cloud of rubble. She then turned around and stalked out the door.

Mulch and Doodah looked at each other.

"What's wrong with her?"

-

Artemis' photographic memory recorded all the twists and turns of the castle as Blaise led him by what seemed to be the most complicating routes to the main classrooms and other areas of the school. Now he would be able to find his way to the Great Hall at least. That was, if the corridors and staircases didn't move or something else completely ridiculous like that.

Artemis could see that as they got closer to their finale destination of the night, Blaise got more and more agitated. Granted, the other boy was hiding it well, but Artemis was better than most at reading subtle body language. He was also becoming tenser as the inevitable meeting approached. This was a crucial turning point in his plan. He needed to gain the acceptance of these people. Otherwise his plan would not work, and that was completely out of the question.

Blaise stopped at a forbidding looking archway.

"This is the entrance to the dungeons. Down here we find the Potions classroom, Professor Snape's office, he's the head of Slytherin House, the Slytherin dorms, and the old rooms in which they used to torture people."

Artemis raised an eyebrow.

Blaise smirked.

"Standard thing to tell new students. However, old Filch the caretaker keeps threatening to string us up by our thumbs if we get the floor dirty."

"Sounds like a charming man."

"Everyone hates him. It's actually the one thing that all the students in the school can agree on."

"Lovely."

They continued on down a dimly lit corridor. Blaise stopped to indicate the aforementioned office and classroom, which to Artemis looked like something right out of a disturbing fairy tale.

They finally came to what seemed to be a stretch of bare wall.

Blaise turned around.

"This is the entrance to our common room. You will not reveal this location to students from any other House, and you shall not reveal our password either. The password changes every so often, but there usually is some sort of theme. For instance, currently the password is 'immortality'."

With that the stone wall began to slid back, conforming into the shape of a tunnel. Blaise indicated that Artemis should enter the tunnel first.

Artemis drew in his breath, smirked, and walked forward into the tunnel with the full knowledge that he had every right to be there.

However, he knew that at the end of the tunnel people were waiting who were about to d their best to convince him otherwise.

-

Draco had finally gotten the first years orientated with the House, and persuaded everyone under the age of fourteen to abandon the common, leaving only the older students.

He watched the tunnel carefully. The pretender would be coming through them soon, and Draco vowed that he would put that smug muggleborn in his place.

The tunnel shifted, announcing in it's way that someone was about to enter the common room.

Well done Blaise, thought the teenage prince, your timing is excellent.

Now, to see if there really was a potential goldmine in the garbage.

-

Artemis looked around as he entered the Slytherin common room. There was a lot of stone work, snake motifs accented with green and silver hangings. Light that filtered through windows that looked as if they opened underneath the lake combined with that from pale white torches, gave the room the feel of being submerged into mysterious watery depths. The whole effect was that of another, magical realm. However, this realm was not like that of the fairies; this realm was ambiguous, a place caught between light and dark.

Then there were people.

Artemis' eyes flicked around the circle of individuals, separating them into groups. In the center was the largest group with Draco Malfoy at it's heart. This was not, however, the majority of the students. A slightly smaller group stood just off to the side from the elite, not apart, but not with them either. Then there was the group closets to Artemis. This group was about half the size of the first two, and did not seem to be allied with them. The last group was composed of only three students; a dark triumvirate that seemed to be completely separate from the rest of the House.

Artemis turned to face to the leader.

They waited.

-

Draco knew that he was to make the first move. This was his House, his territory; therefore, he went first.

"So," he said, eyes focused on his challenger's, "a _mudblood_ desires entrance to the great House of Slytherin. What says the House?"

This was the opening that his father had taught him. There had also been a muggleborn Slytherin during Lucius' time at the school, and he had taught his son the correct manner for dealing with such individuals. It was part of the many lessons that Draco had had to learn about leading the House.

His court went first.

"I speak for the court of our Lord." Pansy, the head of the court due to Draco's role as 'Prince' of all, was the voice. Too bad her looks weren't better, she had a brilliant political mind behind that simpering manner. "Our Lord states that no one of impure blood be allowed into the House of Slytherin, for they are unworthy of true greatness. However, if by the trials his blood prove true, or his cunning prove great, he shall be considered. Even our Lord recognizes that upon rare chance greatness is sprung from those who are unworthy."

"I speak for the lesser court." This was a sixth year by the name of Daniel Augustus. He was of the lesser court, those who did not openly oppose the Dark Lord but would not do anything to stop him. "I say, let him prove his worth. If he should pass the trials, let him be one of us."

These words were greeted with stillness, as if this was to be expected. It was the ritual of things.

Then Maria DeJin, the head of the third group spoke.

"I speak for the renegade court. The Hat is never wrong in judging the soul. Give him the trial to measure his position within us, but let him be admitted either way."

Draco frowned inwardly. While this was again to be expected of those who used lesser people to climb to the top but shied away from murder, torture, and the other ways of the Lord, her wording was rather curious.

And then it was the turn of the last group. The three.

A majestic, deadly, sixth year student stepped forward, the other two flanking her like royal guards. Despite her lack of support, this girl had always been the main challenge to Draco's authority. She was always unpredictable, unknown.

The girl was known within the House by the name of Bloody Mary spoke.

"I speak for the court of old, where once a man or woman proved their worth by the blood in their veins and by the deeds of their hands. Those who were strong and willing to sacrifice prevailed, and those who were weak were crushed under the feet of the superior race. I do not recognize the word of a hat. I do not recognize the word of a Lord. I recognize only the trial of blood and pain."

Draco raised an eyebrow. While they would certainly have to test the boy, he the thought that that was a little extreme. But then, Bloody Mary, who was in actuality Morgana Lancaster, had a tendency to be extreme.

Then the entire group almost jumped as music started playing from Artemis' pocket.

-

Artemis did not think that he had been more embarrassed in his entire life. There were, perhaps, worst moments in life when a cell phone could go off unexpectedly, but for some reason Artemis' brain was having a difficult time supplying him with these situations. At least Beethoven's fifth symphony wasn't the worst ring-tone that he could have chosen. And it was oddly appropriate for the setting.

However, he now had a dilemma; to answer the phone or not.

It's probably Butler or parents, seeing as how not many people have the number of my regular phone, but it could be Foaly just calling to annoy me. He knows that I'm at this school. If I don't answer and it's Butler, he will think that something is wrong and probably take extremely drastic measures. Oh dear. If it is Foaly I will skin him alive for interrupting me.

Artemis smiled politely to the stunned group of Slytherins before him.

"Excuse me a moment. I have to take this call."

He took his sleek black cell phone from it's place in his pocket and flipped it up with the ease of one who has done something hundreds of times. He could feel the eyes of all of the students on him. Well, maybe he could turn this situation to his advantage; flash his technology a bit.

"Fowl speaking."

"Hey, Artemis, mudboy, how are you doing? I was wondering if you were getting reception up at that school of yours. I was just wondering if you being at that fancy boarding school means that we breath easy for another nine months. You do not know how tense Internal Investigations have been since you returned. I swear, they half expected you and Holly to blow something up within your first week back. Speaking of blowing things up, there was some trouble with No 1's warlock training-"

"Foaly?"

"Yes?"

"This an exceedingly lame attempt to discover my location. Tracing phone calls? Really, I thought that you had more class."

Artemis snapped the phone shut.

"I am dreadfully sorry for the disturbance. That was an associate of mine. He is employed by my security in order to keep tabs on my location whenever I am not at the manor in case of assassination attempts. I had thought that he had more class than simply tracing phone calls. He could have used the tracking devices implanted in any number of my things. Personally I think that the phone call was merely to annoy me."

Draco Malfoy had recovered his cool, albeit barely, at this point.

"And how is that believable? Muggle devices don't work on the grounds of this school. You can't fool us with a simple spell."

Artemis raised an eyebrow, bemused.

"It's not a spell. I've protected the hardware with a special chip that blocks the influence of outside energy sources. It's something that I developed several years ago when I discovered that the Newtonian and Einsteinium theories of energy were wrong. Newton was obviously the first to put forth his theories and hypothesized that there were certain types of energy: mechanical, gravitational, frictional, etc. Einstein later contradicted several of Newton's principals saying that they were only true to earth and did not apply correctly to other bodies in space and developed his 'space-time' theories, also known as the theory of relativity. Which actually are still not completely correct although for the time they were works of genius. Anyway, I was struck by the idea of adding in another energy source, one that the theorems did not account for, and then the equations worked every single time. So, if you would like to think of magic as that other energy source, then I have mathematical proof that it exists.

"Back to my original point about my cellphone. I developed the chip that protects the device from energy influxes. It's of great use in magical situations, but would also work when dealing with nuclear by products and the like."

Artemis finally stopped his mini-lecture on physics and looked around the room. It was about now that he belatedly realized that since these wizards did not even know what Newton's first Law of Motion was, the entire thing had just gone right over their heads.

This was going to be harder than anticipated.

-

Draco Malfoy had not been prepared for anything like that. He tell that all the courts felt the same. Just what the bloody hell had he been talking about? Who the hell was Newton?

There was only one point in that whole confusing slew of words that Draco had been able to understand, and he wasn't the only one.

Bloody Mary stepped forward.

"So, you're saying that you already knew of the existence of magic_ before_ you came to this school? You, a mere _muggle,_ was able to discover our protected society? If what you say is true, then how come we have never heard of you before now? The House of Slytherin is powerful, we have connections. How is it that we never heard of this before you came here? I say that you are a fool for trying to deceive us with this talk of 'Newton' and 'Einstein'. If these were truly great men, they would be wizards. Fools have no place in this House. I say that we banish him! Tell that damned hat to put him in Gryffindor where the idiots belong."

She continued to damn the boy, Artemis, who seemed quite amused at her triad. Nonetheless, she had forgotten the ways of the court and had to be quieted.

"Morgana."

She turned to face him without speaking.

"You will obey the rules of the courts. This is not a circus where banshees may scream there heads off. If you have a complaint, you will make it at the appropriate time in the appropriate manner. Do I make myself clear?"

Her look was defiant. She only barely recognized his authority.

"I recognize the will of the courts."

Thank god. Now, Draco would have to attempt to proceed as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Great. Now, where were they in the proceedings? Ah right, the testimony of the Impartial. For that was the other role that Blaise played. Because of his skill at gathering information, he was the impartial party, the one whose testimony would be seen as the truth by all courts. It was quite handy when your best spy was almost always believed by your rivals.

"Now the Impartial party will speak."

Blaise stepped forward to address the courts from where he had been standing behind Artemis.

"Most gracious courts, you ask of me to determine the suitability of the character of the one who stands before you. The testimony that I give is this: while his lineage may not be of wizarding blood, the principals that his family holds are similar to our own. While his knowledge may not be of things magical, his knowledge of the dance of words is great. He said that he knew of magic before coming here, not that he knew of us. He referenced scholars that we know not of, but that does not lessen their accomplishments from what I have seen. What I have seen and what I have heard from him is that he is capable of bearing the the arms of the House of Slytherin."

Draco reopened the floor.

"What say the courts?"

"We say that the Impartial is being out of your pocket and to just to do away with this all together."

"Oh really?" Artemis asked her. "Do you still wish for a trial of my blood then?"

Bloody Mary sneered.

"I want more than your blood, muggle." Bloody Mary pulled out her wand. "I want your pain."

Everything seemed to move in slow motion for Draco. He saw Bloody Mary pull out her wand and point it at Artemis while her two subordinates moved to flank her. He felt anger that she would attack one of Slytherin's own, even if he was a muggle. Artemis reached into his pocket calmly, as if it was something that he did every day. He pulled out a device and flicked a switch. She said the curse; crucio.

As the torture curse sped towards him, a glowing barrier sprang into life around Artemis, causing the curse to ricochet.

Everyone in the room was silent.

The force-field disappeared.

"Are you quite done?" Artemis asked Bloody Mary. "Really, you are behaving like a child throwing a rather destructive temper tantrum. I was under the impression that we could all be civilized while this trial of your's was going on. The way that you are representing your point is most degrading."

Bloody Mary looked stunned. Not only had this impudent boy done something that she couldn't even comprehend, he was talking down to her!

"What was that you conjured? It wasn't the shield charm."

This was Daniel Augustus. Draco knew that he had slightly Ravenclaw like tendencies when confronted with something new.

Artemis smiled.

"It is an energy field generated by a clean battery within the device. I won't say anymore because I doubt that you will be able to follow it."

A thought suddenly came to Draco. A thought that pleased him greatly. He smiled.

"Blaise, would you please escort Fowl to the antechamber while the courts make their decision?"

Blaise nodded and led Artemis to a small room off the the common room.

-

"So."

Blaise turned around to face Artemis after the door had closed. "Just what was all that?"

Artemis smiled. He loved putting people off balance.

"Just what was all what?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Everything. You figured out that magic existed before you somehow 'acquired' it, to use one of your words. So, that means that you found out something about magic that we don't know, didn't you?"

Artemis looked at Blaise with polite confusion on his face.

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

-

After all the courts had spoken, Draco surveyed the gathering before him. He was seeing all of the their faces watching him, waiting for what he would say.

"So," he began, "the way that I see it is that a most fortuitous opportunity has fallen into our hands. Here we have a student who is smart enough to beat the mudblood Granger at her own games. He could win the House Cup back from Gryffindor. I, for one, would dearly love to see those goody-two-shoes pay."

Draco met the eyes of every Slytherin in the room.

"So, what if he is the spawn of muggles? We are Slytherins, and we never loose an opportunity to get ahead of those who are unworthy.

"So what is the vote of the courts?"

There was a moment of silence before the first person spoke.

"The court of our Lord says that we should welcome him, and see if he might accept our ways."

"The lesser court is in accordance."

"The renegade court does not wish for him to be beholden to a Lord that he does not know, but is otherwise in accordance."

"The court of old says off with his head, but since when do any you listen to reason?"

Draco rolled his eyes at that last. Bloody Mary was always a problem; that was life in Slytherin.

"Then it is settled," he proclaimed. "Artemis Fowl is a member of Slytherin."

-

Foaly stared at his computer monitor, deep in thought. He'd called Artemis to see where precisely in the castle he was; Holly's perimeter scan had indicated a fairly large area and he wanted to know exactly where Artemis would be if something went wrong. That mudboy really was a genius when it came to getting in and out of trouble.

That wasn't really the problem though.

Alright, so tracing Artemis' call was a cheap shot, but he'd wanted to see if Artemis even _had _device with him. The chances had been admittedly high, but you never knew what Artemis would do. The problem was that the mudboy had _let_ him talk long enough to run the trace, even though he had known what was going on.

This was Foaly's dilemma. Why did Artemis want them to know where he was?

_What_ was that mudboy up to?

* * *

A/N: Sorry, I couldn't help the Bloody Mary reference.

Anyway, if the physics speil is unclear, I will work on having Artemis explain more in later chapters.

If you can't wait, I suggest Google.

Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the laptop and Bloody Mary

Sorry that this is a tad late.

Anyway, some people have been saying that Artemis is talking, or rather explaining, a little too much. This is my fault. Whenever Artemis mentions some scientific term, I want to explain what it means. However, this has been slowing the plot down and making Arty too talkative. To rectify this, I have added a 'science corner' at the bottom of the page where I will be explaining certain terms and other bits of trivia. If there's still something that you don't understand, try wiki or drop me a review and I'll try and correct it in the next chapter.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, with special thanks to GenX-Revolution for checking my science and giving me some very interesting ideas for later chapters.

* * *

Chapter 6: The system of Education and the story of Mulch's great-great-great-great-uncle Hubert

Before he went to bed, and after Artemis had sent reassuring emails to his mother and his father, he sent one more message.

**Butler. **

**Everything has gone according to plan. Make sure that you assemble those items. I will**

**need them if I'm to accomplish my goal.**

**Do not send them yet. I will ask for them when they are needed. It is too risky at this point.**

**Artemis.**

The boy genius turned off his laptop and climbed into the big four-poster bed. Tomorrow would bring new challenges, ones that he was determined to face.

-

Artemis awakened the next morning to the sound of Pachelbel's Cannon in D, and to the sight of some very confused Slytherins.

Blaise spoke first.

"Just what is that music? I've never heard it before."

This struck Artemis as rather ironic since the cords used in Pachelbel's Cannon formed the base of many modern and classical songs. Pachabel was literally everywhere. Even in 'Punk' music.*

"It's called Pachelbel's Cannon, it's a piece from the late 1600's."

"It sounds as if it's something that I should know, but don't."

"Blaise, it's entirely too early for this. If you want to question Fowl about his music, do so _later_. The first day of term is always bad enough as it is."

Artemis looked over at Draco while Blaise rolled his eyes.

"Why is the first day of term always bad?"

Draco made a face and went off in the direction of the bathrooms.

Blaise rolled his eyes again.

"Draco hates the first day because it's the day when we find out what classes we have with the Gryffindors. He has a bit of a vendetta against the ones in our year."

Artemis remembered the people from the train.

"So, the smart girl, the red-haired oblivious one and the boy with the scar."

Blaise laughed.

"Well, that's certainly one way to describe them. Don't get Draco started on them, he thinks that they're a plague on society. Not that my opinion of them is the highest, even barring the 'Slytherins hate all commoners' thing. You've met already?"

"On the train here. They introduced themselves as Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter. The two boys don't seem to grasp some concepts. Speaking of, do those two talk?"

Artemis gestured towards Crabbe and Goyle, who currently resembled grunting lumps in the middle of their beds.

Blaise smiled, clearly amused.

"Well, they're actually not quite that dumb, but they rarely use words that are over two syllables long. Most people do think that they're idiots."

"They do give off a distinct hired muscle impression."

"It's been theorized that they suffer from some sort of birth defect because their mothers were pregnant

at around the same time and are neighbors."

"Did they ever travel to Russia during that time? There are parts of it that are highly radioactive, and radiation has been known to cause mental retardation**."

"What?"

Artemis rolled his eyes.

"Never mind. Nuclear physics are hard enough for people who actually study it to comprehend."

"Okay..."

-

Artemis was talking with some of the Slytherins. Apparently after that whole 'trial' last night they were all at least cordial to him. With the exception of that one girl of course. Artemis glanced down the table. Bloody Mary was certainly a strange girl. From what he'd already heard from the other students, she thought of herself as a Witch-Queen from some time _long_ past. In Artemis' opinion, she needed some of the counseling that Foaly said the demons were getting.

"So, Fowl, tell us, what do you think of our school? Aren't the hallowed halls of Hogwarts magnificent to behold? They are rich with character, teeming with the great history of our most noble ancestors, brimming with tradition-"

"Will you be quite? Some of us are trying to eat, and you're being nauseating."

The speakers were Daphne Greengrass and Tracy Davis, two Slytherin fifth year girls who belonged to the renegade court. Artemis found it odd that outside the common room the students grouped be year regardless of court affiliation, but in the common room they avoided the members of other courts as if they all had rather bad colds. It wasn't really bad enough to say they avoided them like the plague, but there was still a definite division.

However, here at the table the fifth year girls with the exception of a heavy-set Millicent Bulstrode sat around exchanging gossip; usually about the girls in the other Houses.

"Well, personally I think that the gargoyles are entirely too sixteenth century, but that's just me."

Daphne shrugged.

"Ah well. I guess that no shares my appreciation for the exquisite architecture of our school."

"You just figured that out? Go to Gryffindor, Daphne, go to Gryffindor."

"Pansy, I'm hurt."

"No, you're whining."

"Oh, will you three be quite?" Draco snapped. "Really, you girls can never seem to stop talking. Besides, the schedules are here."

He gestured towards a professor who was coming over to their table. This person had been pointed out to Artemis as Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House and Potions master.

Said professor raised an eyebrow when he reached the fifth years at the table.

"So, you are mister Fowl. What do you think of Slytherin? I hope that the students have been showing you the utmost courtesy."

Artemis smiled. So this man knew what transpired in the Slytherin common room.

"Of course, Sir. My fellow students were most accommodating."

There was a slight curl of the man's lips. He too was a master of the game. He would have to be; he was Slytherin's head, and the game was practically a defining characteristic of the House.

"I hope that you will be an asset to the House, mister Fowl. Now, your schedule." he handed a timetable to Artemis.

"As for the the rest of you; Draco, here's yours. Why are you still taking Care of Magical creatures? It's pointless. Pansy, Divination again I see? Daniel, you are once again the only Slytherin taking muggle studies. Vincent, Gregory, try and pass more than half of your courses this year; you have the simplest electives offered and it looks ridiculous when you can't spell your own names yet. Ms. Greengrass..."

And so the professor continued down the table of students, offering comments about chosen courses and the grades that the students were receiving.

"So, what elective courses did you get, Fowl?"

Blaise leaned over, trying to see Artemis' timetable.

Artemis scanned the card.

"Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures. They seemed like the most useful courses when I picked them."

Blaise raised an eyebrow.

"Useful?"

"Yes. I have sincere doubts that Divination is actually accurate, and Muggle Studies is hardly relevant for me seeing as I invent some of the latest technology."

Blaise seemed amused.

"And, are you aware that Arithmancy and Ancient Runes are considered to be the two most challenging electives?"

"Arithmancy is easy. It's mathematics. I can do mathematics. And I doubt that your runes are more ancient than some that I have come across."

"If you say so."

Draco groaned.

Blaise looked over at him.

"What?"

"We've got Potions with the Gryffindors _again._ And Care of Magical Creatures, _and_ 'Defense Against the Dark Arts'. I have to be in the same room as Potter for three classes!"

Draco glared in the direction of the Gryffindor table while Blaise rolled his eyes.

"It isn't so bad. At least you'll get ample time to belittle Potter and friends. I don't see what the big deal is about sharing a classroom. It's sharing anything else that I have a problem with. They're all too righteous over there in Gryffindor. Interacting with them socially makes me sick, what with all of their notions of 'right' and 'wrong'."

Artemis lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, you certainly seem to be on brilliant terms with them."

"Amusing, Fowl."

Blaise checked his watch.

"Come on, all of you. We need to get our things for Potions. It wouldn't do if we were late for our professor's class."

-

Artemis found Potions to be quite easy. It was just like chemistry, really. This reacts with that and produces something else. Except instead of Magnesium and Hydrochloric acid he was using salamander skin and frog's eggs. And it did help that both Draco and Blaise were more than knowledgeable about all types of potions.

At the start of the class, Professor Snape had been slightly skeptical about letting Artemis try to concoct the same potion as the other students, but after Artemis assured him that he was quite capable of handling reactive chemicals, Snape relented under the condition that Draco and Blaise, his prize students, kept a close eye on him.

Over the course of the class Artemis received many tips on how to avoid interference from Gryffindor meddling while making a potion. Most of the Slytherin's seemed be under the impression that every time a potion went wrong, it was the fault of some Gryffindor sabotaging their potion. Artemis thought that they merely didn't want to admit that they actually had faults.

Speaking of the Gryffindors, the three fifth years who had shared Artemis' compartment on the train watched him throughout most of the class. Especially the girl. She was wary. Artemis would have to remember that.

-

Holly was having an interesting day. She was exploring the town in the guise of a muggle child while Mulch did underground reconnaissance. Doodah was at the base, transmitting data back down to Haven for analysis by Foaly.

As she walked through Hogsmead, Holly began to get a sense of the social structure of the society. There was a ministry, apparently the governing body that was spewing what Foaly called 'tabloid crap' into the newspaper, which was called the Daily Prophet. Holly had one of these tucked under her arm to scan and send once she got back to the base.

She also found that these people really did use owls to deliver mail. The birds could be seen swooping in and out of houses, carrying packages and letters. It was all rather odd, and heavily reinforced the idea that this society practically lived in the dark ages. The really dark ages, she added as she observed the thick coating of grime on the side of one building.

Holly sighed. She didn't want to go back to that confounding house and the dilemma that it presented. She knew that the Magical Control and Law division of the LEP was working with Quan and No 1 to find a way to eliminate the sickness caused by entering a mortal's dwelling without permission, but they hadn't reached a break through yet. However, she had picked up some strange rumors about the house; it seemed as if no one had ever lived there or even went near the place on the grounds that it was haunted. Holly thought that this was, of course, absurd, but if it kept people from nosing around so much the better. Really, ghosts? Magic was one thing but paranormal spirits from beyond the grave was a completely ridiculous notion. On the other hand, humans weren't even supposed to have magic, and here she was standing in a community of magical humans going about every day business.

She turned her face into the wind. What else would revealed about these people, and what did it mean for the fairies?

-

"Come on Fowl, let's see what travesty they've dug up to teach us defense this year. Although father said that I'm to cooperate with her because she's from the Ministry and I can't ruin his image." Draco rolled his eyes. "I swear that that's all that he thinks about. His image at the Ministry and how it could help our Lord when he returns. Though really, I'd like to learn some of those supposedly 'dark' curses."

Artemis had been regaled with tales of the various Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers that had been at Hogwarts during the past six years all throughout the free period that the Slytherins had after morning break. According to his classmates, the previous teachers had all either been incompetent or just plain stupid.

Blaise rolled his eyes at Draco. The three of them were walking to class with Crabbe and Goyle trailing them stupidly. Really, those two were horrible body guards, though Artemis. Butler would horrified. The other boy from their year, Theodor Nott, was sulking even father behind, talking to Milicent Bulstrode.

"Really, Draco," Blaise said, "you don't want to learn dark spells. You already know everything that it's legal for you to know. You just want a legitimate excuse to hex Potter."

"So what if I do? Potter deserves it."

Blaise just shook his head. It was apparently a topic that was often discussed.

"It doesn't matter whether or not he deserves, our Lord _knows_ he's annoying enough, but if you do anything rash then you will tarnish the reputation of Slytherin House."

They rounded a corner and came to the DaDA class room, where several Gryffindor students were already waiting. They glared at the Slytherins, who returned the favour. Draco sneered at one boy in particular.

Artemis and Blaise glanced at each and rolled their eyes. Artemis might be the new students, but he was perceptive enough to know what Draco was planning. He'd heard enough of the other boy's insults towards Potter and his friends all throughout Potions earlier that morning.

However, they were saved from what Holly would call 'male posturing' by the opening of the classroom door. Draco sneered at Potter again before entering the class, the rest of the Slytherins following. The Gryffindors entered after.

Once inside the classroom, the two groups of students maintained this separation; the Slytherins went to one side of the room, Gryffindors to the other without ever speaking. If Professor Umbridge, seated at her desk like a frog on a log, noticed this she refrained from commenting.

Once the students were seated she smiled.

"Good morning class."

A few students mumbled something that might have been called a greeting. Artemis raised an eyebrow. Did she think that they were two?

Umbridge shook her head.

"Now, I asked you a question. When I say 'Good morning class', you will say 'Good morning Professor Umbridge'. Now, let's try it again. Good morning class."

"Good morning Professor Umbridge," the class chocked out. This woman was completely repulsive.

Umbridge didn't appear to see the looks of loathing and disgust that she was receiving from the majority of the students, Gryffindor and Slytherin alike.

"Now, the course aims are written on the board. We will be studying the theory of defensive spells, and the dark creatures that you can use them on. Now, please open your books to chapter one and begin reading."

Artemis twitched. Now, most people in that room were appalled by the fact that the teacher was treating them like first years, but that was not Artemis' only problem. Artemis was a scientist. Progress is only ever made in science when experiments that challenge traditional beliefs are conducted. Studying the theory of something, and hypothetical situations was all well and good, but the only way to really learn something was to experiment and do it yourself. Artemis knew this from experience. So, the fact that this woman was going to be keeping them from actually learning anything grated slightly on his nerves. However, Artemis knew how to handle teachers. He smirked. He'd play her game for now, but Miss Dolores Umbridge had better watch her back.

Although it appeared that he wasn't the only one with a problem with this lesson plan. Hermione Granger had her book firmly closed and her hand raised in the air. Umbridge was trying to ignore her, but it was painfully obvious to Artemis that something was going to crack soon, and it wouldn't be Granger.

After realising that most of the class was looking at Hermione and not at their books, Umbridge walked over to the girl and bent over her desk.

"Did you have a question about the chapter, dear?"

"No, a query about the course aims."

Umbridge smiled sickeningly.

"Well, we are reading just now, so if you would turn to chapter one-"

"I've already read it."

Umbridge paused.

"Well then, what a bright little girl. You can read chapter-"

"I've finished the whole book."

By the now the entire class, Slytherins and Gryffindors alike, was watching the conversation. Umbridge looked around worriedly at all of the people watching. She was a person desperate for control, and deadly afraid of losing.

She turned back to Hermione.

"Well then, might you be able to tell me what the book says about counter curses in chapter thirty-seven."

"The author says that counter curses are incorrectly named; they are a crutch used by sinners to justify casting spells that are dangerous and harmful in order to defeat what they call 'a greater evil'."

Umbridge looked impressed despite of herself.

"But I disagree." Hermione continued. "Counter curses are quite useful spells that can be used for self defense, and they don't have the lasting negative effects that curses do."

"Well, in this class we well going by what the book says, miss Granger, not by your personal opinion. This is a theoretical class, and we will be studying the Ministry approved theory without any dangerous wand waving or other nonsense."

"Hang on a-"

"Mister Weasley, if a student wishes to speak in my class then that student must raise their hand first."

Half of the Gryffindors raised their hands.

Deciding that she couldn't ignore this, Umbridge looked around for the student that she thought was the least likely to cause a fuss.

"Yes, Mister Thomas?"

"So, we aren't actually going to be using any real spells?"

"No, Mister Thomas. Like I said, this is a _theory _based class."

"But what about actual defense? What if we get attacked by a rogue manticore or-"

"Mister Thomas, do you expect to be attacked in my classroom?"

"Well, that depends Professor."

"Depends on what, Mister Thomas?"

"On whether or not you intend to bring Cornish pixies to class."

The Gryffindors snickered and the Slytherins rolled their eyes. Artemis looked over at Blaise.

"Cornish pixies?"

"The pompous idiot we had in second year let a bunch of them loose in the classroom."

"The same one who wore pink?"

"Yes."

"Ah."

-

Dolores Umbridge felt the control of the situation begin to slip through her fingers as the students grew emboldened by Potter's lies. They were mocking her. Her! Dolores Jane Umbridge. She looked around the room for someone who would side with her. Ah, yes, perfect. The new Slytherin. Potter wouldn't have had time to infect him with his poisonous lies yet. She put on her most winning smile.

"Mister Fowl, what do you think of the situation?"

-

Artemis wondered why the woman was trying to imitate the chesire cat. Did she really think that that smile was helping her situation? Oh well, he had better answer the question. Now, how to play this scenario? Ah, yes, that would work.

"Which situation is that, Professor? Potter's opinion, or the curriculum debate?"

"Mister Potter's little story about He-who-must-not-be-named returning from the dead."

"It's not a story-"

"Detention, Mister Potter!" Umbridge stalked over to her desk and wrote something on a pink slip of paper. "You may take to Professor McGonagall after you have heard Mister Fowl's opinion of you ludicrous ramblings."

Umbridge turned to look directly at Artemis. She clearly thought that her was going to take her side; she was wrong. Artemis Fowl was only on the side that benefited him and his family.

"I believe that Potter thinks that he is telling the truth."

"What?"

Umbridge's eyes swelled up, and Potter looked at Artemis with stunned confusion. No Slytherin had ever helped a Gryffindor before.

Artemis rolled his eyes.

"I didn't say that he was telling the truth, I said that _he_ believes that he is telling the truth. He thinks that it is real, even though that might not be the case."

"Explain, Mister Fowl."

"Well, memory can be altered several ways. One, Potter might be on this world's version of cocaine or methamphetamine, or some other hallucinogen that creates false memories. Two, an outside force deceived him and implanted the memories. Three, parts of his memory were removed and his brain created false memories that it thinks are real. Or finally, he actually _is_ telling the truth."

The entire class, Gryffindors, Slytherins and Umbridge alike, was staring at Artemis in complete silence. However, Artemis was not done.

"Although, I don't really see why all of you are so worried about this 'Voldemort' character. I mean really, what's the worst that he could do? His most 'powerful and dangerous curse' can kill one person at a time. Perhaps he could kill more if he made a building collapse; I mean, all of you certainly made enough of a fuss when this Black person killed _thirteen _people at once. What a tragedy." By this point Artemis' voice was practically dripping with sarcasm. "If you want to know about a Dictator who was an actual threat to society, I suggest looking up Hitler and World War Two, and also perhaps the atomic bomb."

The class was stunned. Artemis looked around, to see if anyone had followed his little triad. The only people who appeared to have any emotion on their face besides shock were the Granger girl and two other Gryffindors; boys he didn't know.

Draco and Blaise exchanged glances. They wanted to know what Fowl was talking about. How could he practically say that their Lord was pathetic? What could be worse than the terror that the Dark Lord unleashed upon any who opposed? What had the muggles done and why didn't they, the far superior wizards, know about it? They would be talking to Fowl some time in the near future, in a very secret part of the Slytherin common room.

Finally Umbridge appeared to regain some measure of self control.

"Well, Mister Fowl, that was certainly a very _interesting_ opinion. I take it then that you are not on Mister Potter's side, trying to convince us that we will be attacked by some phantom menace?"

"Well, I sincerely doubt that anyone will be attacked by Sith Lords. If they said that they were then I would have to question their sanity."

Umbridge blinked. She apparently decided that Artemis had agreed with her, as she sent Potter on his way and told everyone to go back to their reading.

As soon as class let out, Blaise and Draco pulled Artemis aside.

"What could be more dangerous than a curse that can kill you?"

Artemis looked at them, reading the stunned curiosity on the faces of the two other Slytherins. To think, these two honestly did not know about the horrors of that the Nazi's had committed, or the disaster that the United States of America had unleashed on Japan. That they didn't know about the nuclear arms race or the cold war, the war that could have wiped them out just as easily as the rest of human society.

"Scientific progress. It is both the damnation of our society, and the only thing that could possibly save our planet. Now, I do believe that it is time for lunch. The Great Hall is this way, correct?"

-

Holly returned back to the base fairly late. Mulch had his face in a bowl of food, and Doodah was looking at something of questionable content on his computer. Holly walked over and flopped down on her camp bed.

"Doodah, do I even want to know what that is?"

"Nope."  
"That's what I thought. You two can be completely immature; stuffing you faces and looking at porn like a couple of teenage mudmen."

Mulch raised a hand.

"I resent that."

"Good, it was supposed to be an insult. Anyway, on to work. Did your exploration lead anywhere Mulch?"

Mulch looked up from his food.

"Yeah, actually. You would not believe all of the passages in and out of that castle. There's something like seven of them. Really, you'd think that they were under siege when this place was first built if they had to include all of those escape roots from the castle. No, wait," he paused, thinking, "one of the tunnels was built afterwards. The one that connects to the basement of this house. The dirt is younger, comparatively speaking. Also, it doesn't work with the original building plan. All of the other tunnels were built for escape; they have one entrance inside the castle and one outside the school grounds. This newer one has the entrance here and one on the grounds underneath a very unhappy tree. It's roots tried to rip off my beard! Anyway, I think this is supposed to be some sort of abandoned isolation ward."

Holly sat up and looked around, taking in the broken furniture and deeply scratched walls.

"I suppose, but an isolation ward for what? Mad cow disease? And you did send this information to Haven, didn't you?" She said, addressing Doodah this time, as he was the official relay point.

Doodah rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I sent all of the information back to the annoying centaur before pursuing my something of my own enjoyment."

"Doodah, even _I _think that stuff is disgusting, and I eat mud."

Holly rolled her eyes.

"Enough. Alright, so that's today covered. I got some printouts of what their money looks like, and I'm going to have Foaly mint us some coins. We need to have currency to acquire certain items for testing. Foaly wants to know if this 'magical mess remover' advertised in the paper actually removes all messes. Apparently he spilled something rather sticky. Anyway, Doodah, you'll need to pilot the shuttle back down to Haven tomorrow to retrieve the coin shipment. And I'll know exactly how much is supposed to be there so don't think that you can 'borrow' a bit."

"Yes ma'am."

"Mulch. Tomorrow you and I will start scouting that forest. I want to know what's in there. See if you can find any dens or other dwellings below ground, and I'll start a quadrant search of the canopy."

Holly flopped back down.

"There's so much work here! And none of this makes sense. Did you know that these people honestly believe in ghosts?"

"Ghosts are real."

Doodah tore his eyes away from whatever it was that was on his computer screen, and looked at Mulch.

"Ghosts, dwarf? Did you inhale your own tunnel gas again?" He turned to Holly. "That happened about a year ago when we were chasing this other pixie. Mulch had to back up into an area that he'd recently excavated and ended up getting high on tunnel gas. He was loony as a moonstruck demon for _hours_."

Holly wrinkled her nose. "Thank you, Doodah, I _really_ needed to hear that."

"Glad to be of service."

Mulch rolled his eyes.

"No, I am not high on tunnel gas, thank you very much. It's an old story passed down through my family about my great-great-great-great-uncle Hubert. Apparently he was known for having a very serious gas problem, explosively so after he ate vole curry. One day he was eating curry when they told him that he was needed in the tunnels, so he went. Anyway, he backfired quite spectacularly and got buried in the rubble. Now, normally this isn't a problem for a dwarf, seeing as how we can just dig our way out. But he when wasn't seen at favourite curry stands or by his family for about a week, people started to get worried so they went back to the cave-in to try and dig him out. As they got nearer the site, they started to smell a huge stink-"

"You mean dwarfs don't normally stink?"

"Shut it, Doodah, I'm telling a story. Anyway, there was this huge stink, and by the time they finally got around to where great-great-great-great-uncle Hubert was last seen, it was almost unbearable. But they excavated, and found that great-great-great-great-uncle Hubert had had his head cut open by a falling rock and had died. Anyway, even though they removed the body, the stink is still there, like a warning to all dwarfs who come after not to eat curry before entering the tunnels."

"I don't think that a stink can classified as a ghost, Mulch. And anyway, it can't _still _smell."

"Oh yes it does. I would know. I've been there. It's a game among adolescent dwarfs; you have to see how far you can get into the haunted cave before the stink becomes too bad. There's also a family joke behind the story; because great-great-great-great-uncle Hubert was a crusty fellow they say that it's the ghost of an old fart."

Holly looked first at Doodah, who was rolling on the floor, shaking with laughter, and then at Mulch, who was attempting to keep a straight face.

"I have a phrase that I learn from Juliet that is perfect for this situation, Mulch."

"Oh?" Mulch knew that the younger Butler had a very colourful vocabulary.

"Yes. TMI! Which stands for Too Much Information!"

-

Harry and Ron immediately converged on Hermione after she came out of her Ancient Runes class.

"So, what the bloody hell was that Slytherin talking about today? It looked like you, Seamus and Dean were the only ones who seemed to know, and those two gits aren't talking to us so-"

"So you want me to act as an interpreter because you have absolutely no knowledge of muggles? Really, Harry, I thought that _you_ would at least know; you went to a muggle school before you came here."

Harry rolled his eyes. "They don't tell kids in grade four about nuclear missiles, Hermione. I only know a little, which I've explained to Ron but the two of us are still confused. It's complicated. I don't even understand how an atom works. Although it doesn't really matter what Fowl meant by the rest of his speech since he thinks that I'm lying anyway."

"I think you're wrong about that."

"About what?"

Hermione sighed as they reached the library, and set her book bag down on the chair beside her before answering.

"He said it in a very round-a-bout way as to not incur Professor Umbridge's wrath, something that _you_ might want to consider by the way, but I think that he believes you. It's there in his last comment."

"The one about Voldemort not being real and me being crazy for believing it?"

Ron shuddered when Harry said the name, and Hermione's face went momentarily blank. Then she shook her head.

"He didn't say that Harry. Yes, that's what it would sound like to any wizard; however, someone who is muggle born could see the reference. Artemis said that if you were attacked by a _Sith_ lord then he would think that you were crazy. The Sith are characters in the Star Wars movies. Professor Umbridge asked Artemis if he's afraid of a _Phantom Menace_, which is ironically enough the title of the first film in the series. It was a play on words. Of course, V-v-voldemort isn't really a Sith. I mean, all right, he's pale white like the emperor and they're both evil and old and like torturing and killing people and they both try to overcome democratic society, oh, and they also both have red eyes but besides all that they're really nothing alike. I mean, one of them is a fictional character who doesn't actually exist and was created by a British muggle looking for a story."

Harry and Ron looked at Hermione.

"Could you repeat that?"

-

That night when Artemis checked his email from the relative privacy afforded by the curtains around his bed, he found an email from Butler.

**I will have everything within the week. Let me know when you need it. Everything is going according to plan on this end.**

**Butler**

Artemis smiled. Excellent. !-- page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } A:link { so-language: zxx } --

End scene

* * *

A/N Science Corner and related facts:

*This is Pachelbel's Rant from youtube. It explains my point.

!-- page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } A:link { so-language: zxx } --

.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

** Nuclear radiation:

Nuclear radiation and nuclear fallouts are products are an atomic bomb. When a large, unstable atom such Uranium is bombarded with Neutrons(small particles from the nucleus of an atom), it will break into smaller pieces of elements. When this happens, then energy that was holding the original atom together along with some of the atom's mass is released as gamma radiation; essentially, a photon of light that can only be stopped by a few solid feet of lead. The energy release by this is equal to the equation E=mc2(Energy = mass x the speed of light(300 000 000 meters per second)squared). This and the mutation of organic material (plants and animals) that is caused by the radiation is why the atomic bombs are so destructive. It's not only the initial blast that can kill you; some would consider dying then lucky. It's the radiation sickness and starvation that come afterwards that can be more deadly.

When Artemis says that science is both our damnation and our saving grace; the way that I see it is that we have almost completely messed up our planet in the pursuit of technological advancement. Now, the only way to fix Earth, or at least save humanity, is to continue pushing forward until we can heal this planet or establish colonies on the moon or mars or something. Not that science is bad; I love science! It's just that as a whole we've kind of screwed up Earth. Which is problematic for obvious reasons. This is an issue that, along with the atomic bomb and other 'muggle' weapons of mass destruction, will be discussed in greater detail later in the story.

I have had the cornish pixie line stuck in my head ever since I first read that chapter of book five.

Something else; I noticed that there are almost religious undertones in the way that the Slytherins are refering to Voldemort. This works for what I have planned, and has nothing to do in any way with any deity that you chose to believe in. However, if someone is taking offense to the way that I am portraying that, please let me know and I'll do my best to change it.

As always, thanks for reading and please review.

Sincerely,

Singer, La Chanteuse


	7. Chapter 7

This is a one in series of short interludes that will sometimes accompany a chapter. The don't really have a purpose in the main story line, but they're little scenes from around the castle that I thought it would be amusing to share with all of you.

Note: These will be put in _in addition_ to another chapter, not in the place of one.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and am making not profit from this venture

* * *

Interlude: An different perspective

As Artemis was walking down to Care of Magical Creatures after lunch on Friday, he noticed two Ravenclaw students siting on one of the outside benches, staring at a Tarot array. This wouldn't have so strange if one of the girls, whom he recognized as Luna from the train, hadn't been sitting in a rather odd Cirque du Soleil worthy upside down position. Now, it wasn't really his business but curiosity got the better of Artemis Fowl. He had to ask.

"What are you doing?"

Luna looked up at him.

"We're finding a new perspective. Allen is a sixth year, but she needs help interpreting her Tarot arrangements sometimes."

Artemis raised an eyebrow and looked at the other girl, who was scribbling things in a note book. She had an ink stain on her cheek and several more on her hands.

"Why is she called Allen?"

"Because my mother was absolutely mad when she named me I tell you. Mad. I mean, for goodness sake, the woman reads fanfiction nearly as much as I do."

The girl, Allen, didn't look up through the triad, merely continued writing.

"So then why Allen?"

Allen realized that she would have to answer the boy who distracting her before he went away and left her to her calculations.

"Allen is my last name. I don't mention my first name ever, because like I said, I don't know what my mother was thinking when she named me. First off, it's old-fashioned. Secondly, no self-respecting authoress of fanfiction wants to be named Mary-Sue. It's just not right. Speaking of fanfiction, I'm stuck on a very difficult part in this story that I'm writing for Fullmetal Alchemist. You see, Edward and Mustang are going to have another battle assessment and Hawkeye is about to shoot Havoc and Breda because they lock Fuery in Al's suit and Al couldn't get him out while Falman and Sheiska are researching the forty-tales of the lost City in the East. Oh, and did I mention that this is a crossover with Lord of The Rings? Yeah, so the Hobbits are there too and the Homunculi want to use the ring to make a philosopher's stone and after the assessment Ed and Al are trying to find them before the Black Riders team up the Homunculi to destroy the world. Wait," Allen's eyes lit up. "I have an idea!" She started scribbling in her notebook even faster then before; she looked like her hand was possessed by some spirit.

"I thought that you were doing you Divination homework."

Allen barely spared Luna a glance. "Story now, homework later. I have a deadline to meet. I owl my stuff to my sister and she posts it on the Internet for me. And I need to get this chapter done so shush!"

"It's alright, she gets like this sometimes. It's the nargles."

Luna untangled herself and walked off back towards the castle humming a ditty. Artemis continued on his way to Care of Magical Creatures. Well, he thought as he came up to the hut beside which their class took place, she can certainly find a _different_ perspective.

* * *

Now everyone, be honest, how many times have we all put off homework(or work) in order to read or write fanfiction?

A quirky little character intended to make fun of fanfiction stereotypes. I thought that it was very amusing to have a character honestly named Mary-Sue. It's ironic.

Should I write more of these or scrap the idea?  
Tell me in a review!

Sincerely,

Singer, La Chanteuse


End file.
